Saturday, June 28, 2014

Old Madonna

Because I am a humanitarian, I am sending around a petition to bring back the old Madonna. You know, the slightly trashy, cone bra wearing, teased hair, too much make-up, papa don't preach Madonna. The one who writhed on the stage, emitted an air of not giving a damn and clothed herself in lingerie.

Who is this new age hippy Madonna with her wiry arms? And how did she get the idea that it was a good idea to have a family and colour her roots. Why did she start doing yoga and stop smoking? Why did she exchange drinking for Kabbalah? It's all very confusing to me. Isn't there an old saying that goes, you can't fix what isn't broken. 

What has she been in the tabloids for these days? Her daughter getting accepted to Michigan? People flipping out because she showed a bit of cleavage? This is nothing. This is abysmal. She could do so much better. 

I want the platinum hair and excessively sexual lyrics, the running around town and appearing in movies like A League Of Their Own and Dick Tracy. I want her to go back to creating songs like 'Like A Virgin' and 'Papa Don't Preach', screw that Ray Of Light bullshit and that crap-ass Swept Away movie.

I want her to date men like Sean Penn and Warren Beatty again. Not Guy Ritchie or Jesus Luz, or this nameless photographer. No! You have street cred Madonna, you can do better than them.

So what if you're a mom! Who cares? You can still be trashy. Look at Courtney Love!

From past experience, I know she's just a tease. Remember when Confessions On A Dance Floor came out? I actually thought to myself, this is it! She's parading around in a spandex suit for crying out loud, but no ... utter disappointment. She's still wearing her Live Strong bracelet and pantsuits.

Hands down, there is no competition. 1980's Madonna kicks present day Madonna's ass.

1 comment:

Author Tricia Drammeh said...

Desperately Seeking Susan! That was the Madonna I liked. I guess we all grow up and grow older, but yes--I remember when Madonna was wild and crazy and fun!