Last night I got a total of three fitful hours of sleep. The lights in my mind went out at three and I was back up at six. Dixon kept me company in these restless hours. There used to be a time when I only got four to five hours of sleep a night. After today, and the complete dysfunctionality (not a real word, but should be) of my brain, I cannot understand how I made it through all those years of next to no sleep.
Today was terrible.
Foggy head. Cloudy thoughts. Unwillingness to look on the brighter side of anything. I might as well have had a little grey storm cloud hanging over my head. Don't get me wrong, I faked it pretty good. Smiled pretty. Said kind things. Well, kind enough. And tried. I really did try today. But in the end, I felt negative.
They say sleep is one of the most important things, along with food and water, but I never really understood that until today. I bogged down at eight in the morning and never fully recovered. Now, I'm sitting here wondering if 8PM is too early for a grown woman to go to bed. If I had a child, people wouldn't think anything of it. Or if I was at least twenty years older. Sometimes it feels like you need a good excuse to go to bed, like being a mom, working a physically tiring job, or having jet lag.
I say, to the birds with that. Sometimes you don't need a good excuse for going to bed. Sometimes just being human is exhausting. Sometimes life is tiring, you know?
And I am grateful I can go to bed whenever I damn well please. Except for when I am at work. Apparently it's frowned upon to curl up on the comfy green couch and take a snooze. How would I know that?
Trial and error, my friends. Trial and error.
Needless to say if you are not a little ray of sunshine. If things seem daunting. In general, the day drags you down. You might not be getting enough sleep. Remember how when you got hurt in gym class the teacher told you to walk it off? Well, I think as you go through the later years of your life you should sleep things off. And now I am convinced. I'm going to bed. Dr. Tyson has left the building.