Horror TV

If you're looking for a horror program this October, one to make you cringe or, at the very least, say, "What the hell is going on?" I have a few suggestions for you.

Hannibal 

It's creepy. It's kooky. It's all together gross, really. The two main actors in this, Hugh Dancy and Mads Mikkelsen, really bring their characters to life. While, yes, it certainly is terrifying and suspenseful, it's also weird, like an art school student went to town on it. Maybe that's why it's so captivating. Even though you know what's going on, you still don't know what's going on.You may have red the books and seen the movies, but this show is guaranteed to draw you in, then you will be awaiting the next season the edge of your seat like the rest of us. Beautifully written, wonderfully acted, I promise you won't be disappointed.

And could someone please help Will Graham?

Bates Motel

Hey, I was skeptical and wasn't sure what to expect too. The thing about Bates Motel is, it probably shouldn't work. It takes place pre-Psycho, obviously, and features a very young Norman Bates. While I don't really liked it when remakes or sequels delve too deeply into the minds of the characters (think Rob Zombie's Halloween, which I loathed) Bates Motel is an exception. It develops the uncomfortable mother-son relationship we knew obviously existed before Norma died and Norman's psyche broke. Once again, the acting is phenomenal.

American Horror Story

Pretty much the only show that constantly has me saying 'What Da Fuq'. No matter what I think is happening, I really haven't a clue. There are too many twists and turns to keep track of, so I with a shocked expression on my face and ask things like, "What the hell is going on here?" And the opening credits of season two really freak me out. One of the most awesome facets of this program is the recurring cast members who play different roles each season. A brand new story line each year, sign me up. Keeps things interesting. Also, it has that Evan Peters in it, who is just a living doll, and the mother from Six Feed Under, who I always loved (another tv show you need to invest time in if you already haven't.)

I am currently watching Asylum, but will definitely be partaking in Coven next.

Hemlock Grove

This is a new addition to the television programming cue and I have to say, I haven't the foggiest idea of what is happening. A werewolf, a cyborg-ish girl with one big eye, dead bodies, immaculate conception, and a weird science lab brings together an ensemble cast of oddballs for what? No clue. But I am drawn in to keep watching. I only hope the end result with be worth it. So, fingers crossed someone doesn't wake up and the whole show was a dream. This is a Netflix special which means you can binge watch all the season in one fell swoop, much like The Killing (also, another fabulous show).

Now, do you have horror television you'd recommend to me? 

Horror Fest - The Third Anniversary

What do I love more than knitting, tea drinking and baking? Horror Fest. For the last two years, I've watched a horror movie a night for the entire month of October. The first year, I did the A-Z Blogging Challenge, and last year I wrote reviews of all the movies I watched, which I thoroughly enjoyed, probably because I find myself very entertaining. 

This year, I've decided to combine the first two Horror Fests and blog about anything Halloweenie that pops into my head, whether it be the movies I watch, memories I've had, or how amazing the air smells now that Fall unpack its bags and sent the warmer weather running. 

Last night, I watched Teaching Mrs. Tingle, a first for me. It was one of those nineties horror/thriller movies I never got around to seeing. One of the remarkable things about this movie was the ridiculousness of the characters, much like my observation about Disturbing Behaviour last year. What we have hear are the cookie cutter characters so overwhelmed with cliches we can't possibly consider them to be real. The straight A student who happens to be poor with a waitress for a mother AND an absentee father. A slightly trampy drama-rat best friend who does the brave bidding. Enter the bad boy with the army jacket, long hair, and chiselled cheekbones. Then there is the sassy black teacher (Vivica A Fox) who is every students best friend and the antagonist who happens to be a jerk for no apparent reason.  

Sure, it's terrible, but we love it! Not only because there are choker necklaces, over the shoulder sweaters, and plaid skirts, but because there is a younger Helen Mirren! And Molly Ringwald makes a cameo as the school secretary/substitute and looks exactly like she did in Pretty In Pink without the atrocious clothes. The bad boy Luke is played by a guy named Barry Watson, who I actually thought was either Skeet Ulrich or Timothy Olyphant, but apparently was neither. I wish I owned Mrs. Tingle's house. The soundtrack is amazing. But in the end, the plot is so full of holes it might as well be a piece of Swiss cheese. I've been thinking of that line for months and only now have been able to use it. 

At first, I thought this was a based on a book by Lois Duncan. As it turns out, I was thinking of Killing Mr. Griffin. Anyhow, a fantastic start to Horror Fest! Stay tuned as I delve into October and find happiness through gore and terror. 

Green Apple Gelato

For your information, it's the best thing I've had in a very long time. I delighted in a scoop today on my date with Tiffiny. We walked down to the boardwalk and back. I'm pretty sure the walking counteracted the deliciousness of the green apple bliss in gelato form.

We talked movies and television, boys and more movies.

Speaking of movies, I watched three this weekend. Here they are and my two sentence reviews:

1. The Wedding Guest - also called Barefoot. Trying too hard to be hip Indie with very little plot and endearing characters. Not a terrible movie, but Scott Speedman's cuteness wasn't enough to save this floppy fish.

2. Thanks For Sharing - Despite my apprehension over Pink being in it, this turned out to be really very good, even though I really didn't like Paltrow's jealous character. We love Mark Ruffalo - we meaning me.

3. Red State - Not too sure why this is categorized as Horror, when in reality it isn't scary at all. Didn't really love it but John Goodman is the man so I am not sad over the time I spent watching it.

Wanna Play - Day 28

To the five people who are diligently reading these reviews, thank you, and congratulations. You have almost made it through. October is almost over. Let's go out with a bang and make these last couple of days count.

Title: Curse of Chucky
Year: 2013
Synopsis: After her mother's mysterious death, Nica begins to suspect that the talking, red-haired doll her visiting niece has been playing with may be the key to recent bloodshed and chaos.

Tagline: Foul mouth. Foul temper.

Sometimes movies are bad on purpose, like a lot of the 'b' rated campy slasher flicks from the eighties. That said, I'm not sure Curse of Chucky was supposed to be bad. I think they were actually trying to make a legitimate horror movie, but maybe they haven't seen the rest of the Child's Play franchise. These movies aren't supposed to try. There isn't supposed to be a twist ending. They are supposed to be bare bones, with funny dialogue, and the quirky doll stealing the scene.

Sadly, Chucky got his scene stolen from him by the emotional acting of Nica, played by Fiona Dourif. Yeah, emotional acting, since when is that supposed to happen in these movies.

Just so we are all clear, I love Chucky. He's a puny little guy who has some of the best lines of any of the horror baddies. Except in this installant his witty, bitter ways seem to have fallen to the wayside. He just paled in comparison to all the other movies, which makes me think this was just a lack lustre attempt to make a bit of money.

Here's the sad part, I have been waiting two decades for Andy to make a return. Finally, he does and it's just a bit cameo, which happened to be the best part of the film. Okay, that's a spoiler, but don't worry, I'm not ruining anything for you. I could tell you word-for-word what happened in this film and you'd still be lost when you watched it. Honestly, I have no idea what the writer, director and producer were all thinking when they decided on dual endings and a plot twist. Give me a break! It's like these guys were trying to apply big Hollywood tricks to their low budget film.

It failed miserably.

In the end, this movie makes no sense. The ending with Andy is negated by the fact Chucky is transferring his soul into Alice before the credits roll. And he is supposedly doing this soul transfer thing without the pendant, the tool they put so much emphasis on in the first three movies. Then there is the fact that Tiffany is still helping him. Oh, and Chucky doesn't bleed when he gets hurt. Since when?

And why is the doll all normal looking at the beginning of the film only to get scars and stitches later on?

Colour me confused.

Also, the murder scenes kind of suck. I mean, they aren't tense, scary or gory.

Even if you love Chucky, go ahead and pass on this. Needless to say, I think this franchise has finally be slashed to pieces and laid to rest.

Found Footage - Day 27

Remember when everyone was all about The Blair Witch Project?

Title: [Rec]
Year: 2007
Synopsis: A television reporter and cameraman follow emergency workers into a dark apartment building and are quickly locked inside with something terrifying.

Tagline: Experience Fear

Before 1999, there were only a handful of found footage horror movies, Cannibal Holocaust being the first I can remember and that was from 1980. Then Blair Witch was made and the world went crazy for these 'this could be happening to you' movies. You know, I don't actually remember seeing at all. I mean, I know I saw it, but it didn't leave any sort of impression and if someone sat me down and asked what it was about I'd shrug my shoulders and say, "Not sure. Some kids with a camera and snot coming out of a nose or two." Seriously.

Like it or not, Blair Witch popularized the mockumentary style genre. After came Cloverfield, Paranormal Activity, The Zombie Diaries, The Last Exorcism, and this foreign film [Rec]. That's right, it's a Spanish film with English subtitles, which means you're going to have to read. I know, I know. We all hate reading. Or, maybe we don't, but apparently that's what Hollywood thinks. They always remake amazing foreign movies and I can't think of any reason other than the fact they don't think people like to read. Remember that movie Let Me In? It was a remake of the Swedish horror movie Let The Right One In, which was amazing. So often these remakes don't do the originals any justice. Since I haven't seen the remake of [Rec], called Quarantine and stars Dexter's sister, I can't comment on it, but I'm going to hazard a guess that it pales in comparison.

I myself don't LOVE the found footage style of film making. It kind of makes me sick, all that running around and shaking camera nonsense. That said, this way of shooting really did add to the overall tone of the movie, instead of feeling gimmicky and humorous, it had an incredibly authentic air to it.

A journalist and camera operator are following these fireman around. They go on a call to investigate a scream, only to find an infected woman. Then the biting starts. Like most zombie movies, the plague travels fast, easily taking out the people who were healthy only a moment before. The plot line isn't actually anything original, we've seen it before, but the sense of urgency in the first person perspective certainly lends an engaging element to the overall film.

People raved about [Rec] when it first came out, calling it ground breaking, but in truth it is a simply mash-up of a few other movies. Nothing about this breaks boundaries or is in any way 'new' to the viewer. That doesn't mean I am trashing the movie for taking bits and pieces from other horror movies, such as Blair Witch and 28 Days Later. The truth is, I love Quentin Tarantino and he loves borrowing from the classics that came before. It's what he's known for. Sure, he's smarmy and has major attitude, but who didn't love Django?

To sum it up, [Rec] is good. Tense. Scary. And totally worth it for the last ten minutes. For a movie that had a very limited budget, was shot on a digital camera, and contained in one building, it was really well done. A quick view that any zombie lover will surely enjoy.

Zombie Weekend - Day 25

Yesterday kicked off Zombie weekend here, and let me just tell you, I am over the moon. Zombies have been and always will be one of my most favourite horror creatures.

Title: 28 Days Later
Year: 2002
Synopsis: Four weeks after a mysterious, incurable virus spreads throughout the UK, a handful of survivors try to find sanctuary.

Tagline: Be thankful for everything, for soon there will be nothing.

The truth is I can't say enough good things about this movie. Granted, there will be some who meekly raise their hands and tell me this isn't actually a zombie movie. After all, zombies are people who have died and been reanimated. The monsters in 28 Days Later don't actually die, but contract a virus called 'rage' that makes them act like the cannibalistic undead. Now, while I can appreciate that outlook, I don't feel the same way.

If it acts like a zombie and looks like a zombie. It's a zombie.

That being said, I would actually suggest categorizing this as a virus/outbreak movie, as opposed to a zombie flick for one simple reason. People think zombie and they assume it will be cheesy and regurgitate all the stuff we've already seen in other lurching, moaning, flesh-eating movies. This is not the case with Danny Boyle's 2002 masterpiece.

Now, why is this movie so phenomenal?

Well, it contains all the necessary pieces to make a great film. Believability. Anyone who existed ten years ago remembers when the swine flu was taking the world by storm. It was all over the news. People were dying. Everyone was scared. Before the swine flue was the plague. Black death. It happened. And it could happen again. In fact, my money is on a virus wiping most of us out one day. Besides, have you seen how many people don't wash their hands or cover their mouths when they sneeze? Disturbing.

28 Days Later also touts sympathetic characters. You can't help but like Cillian Murphy's character. Not only is he undeniably attractive with those pale baby blues, but his fear is palpable. You can feel it. He doesn't do stupid things because he is afraid. He's sensitive and lost, certainly not the stuff most heroes are made from. All his moves are authentic, he does things we all would do if we woke up in the hospital and suddenly found the world taken over by mobs of very angry people. Kind of like Vancouver when the Canucks crap the bed during play-offs and the citizens burn their own city down. Bravo.

And maybe that's the whole point. The parallel between real life and the virus induced state isn't too far away from one another, is it? People seem to be so very agitated so often in lift and, towards the end of the film, you really get the sense that Danny Boyle is skewing the line in who is the 'monster' and who isn't. In the end, this truly does explore human nature, and maybe that's why it is one of those flicks that sticks with you after the fact.

Unlike a lot of horror movies, this one doesn't let up. From the very beginning straight through to the end it is a blood spraying riot of violence and tension. But it isn't in your face gore, it isn't overwhelming, and it isn't trying to be the grossest movie of the decade. Each scene shows you a snippet into the characters and their development, creating this perfect arc that you can see over the entire film, kind of like a rainbow.

The writers did a fantastic job with plotting out and executing this storyline. Like I said, I can't say enough good things. Watch it for entertainment or because it is subtly layered and beautifully executed. This is just another example that great movies can be done on small budgets. I am beginning to think Danny Boyle is untouchable.

Possessiveness - Day 23

The whole idea of possession is so very intriguing to me. To be taken over by demons, controlled and contorted, twisted and tortured. For me, this always has had a parallel to mental health. Of course, in the movies and books, the person afflicted is literally possessed by demons, sometimes Lucifer himself. I myself cannot say if this is true or not. It is like meditation and hitting that higher plain. It is like people who unlock their past lives.

I have never experienced this. But that does not make it untrue. After all, I have never seen a narwhal whale but that does not mean they do not exist.

Last night, I watched two possession movies. The Exorcism of Emily Rose and this more recent film.

Title: The Possession
Year: 2012
Synopsis: A young girl buys an antique box at a yard sale, unaware that inside the collectible lives a malicious ancient spirit. The girl's father teams with his ex-wife to find a way to end the curse upon their child.

Tagline: Fear the demon that doesn't fear God.

A little girl buys a cool looking box from a garage sale and starts acting all sorts of messed up. Of course, a demon is inside the box and it tries to take over the girl. Not a crappy plot line, except no one in the movie acted accordingly.

Remember in Exorcist when Regan's behaviour started changing her and her mother noticed and tried to get her help. Apparently, the Brenek family doesn't have those natural instincts. I can tell you this much, if my gentle, lovely, animal loving daughter suddenly stabs me in the hand with a fork one breakfast morning, you best believe she'd be making a trip to the doctor's office and a therapist. The reason they don't? She must be feeling the affect from their divorce, which happened months prior.

Though this whole movie I sat there wondering, why the hell isn't anyone helping the obviously disturbed and unhappy Emily?

Her obsession with the box alone would raise some eyebrows. And the fact that her finger was turning green and swelling from the ring she was wearing. How did anyone not notice this? It reminded me of the time I put a rubber band around my finger to the point that I couldn't get it off. At first, I panicked, but when my finger started turning blue, I decided I needed to tell my mom because I didn't want to lose the tip of my finger. This was over the span of twenty minutes. Needless to say, if my entire hand went blue, my mom would have noticed. The fact that neither the mother or father in this didn't seem to care that her finger was practically falling off leads me to believe they are neglectful.

And what kind of parent buys a weird box for their child but doesn't investigate how to open it or what's inside. There could have been drugs or porno in there! Instead, there was just a demon that ended up possessing the daughter.

You know what this movie really suffered from? The inability to hurt any of the main characters. Right from the first ten minutes, I knew what was going to happen. I knew everything was going to be okay for the Brenek family, that they would all be alive and well by the end, but the box would some how fall into the wrong hands. Maybe it was so predictable because I've seen far too many horror movies before. Or maybe it was predictable because this is he classic Hollywood way. They only like to kill the people you aren't connected to. These people should take a cue from George R.R. Martin, I'm still suffering the depression from him killing ... everyone. (No Game of Throne spoilers here!)

Let's put the bashing of this lack-luster film (that I was really looking forward to watching) to the side and detail what didn't disappoint.

There were a few greatly creepy scenes. The fingers down the throat of the girl. A demon being shown in the MRI. And the boyfriend's teeth falling out. That's about it. Granted, the movie did start out with a bang, but why didn't the family go back to the original owner and ask a few questions?

Just doesn't make sense.

All About Cartoons - Day 18

Last night I kicked off my cartoon weekend, and I may have deviated from the schedule. Don't worry, I am all caught up now, but I completely forgot Monsters University came out and I HAD to watch it. I know, I know, it isn't technically horror or halloweenie, but there are monsters in it. I thought it was amazing. It made me laugh out loud a couple of times. None harder than this part:

Anyway, because it wasn't on the list of movies it is off the review selection, which leaves me with another cartoon I simply adored. 

Title: Hotel Transylvania

Year: 2012
Synopsis: Dracula, who operates a high-end resort away from the human world, goes into overprotective mode when a boy discovers the resort and falls for the count's teen-aged daughter.

Tagline: Even monsters need a vacation.

Horror buffs the world over are rolling their eyes at my cartoon weekend. And I say, go ahead and roll your eyes, fun killers! No matter what, there are certain movies that will always be spooky even if they are cartoon-y and they deserve to have their day in the spotlight. Hotel Transylvania has all the elements of a fangtastic film. Dracula, Werewolf, Frankenstein, The Mummy and let's not forget skeletons, zombies and bats. 

While I really do love this shiny nugget of fun from last year, I also think it was misrepresented. While Count Dracula certainly does build and run a resort for monsters, it really isn't about that. In truth, it centres around his love for Mavis, his daughter, and the desire to keep her close, even though it is her 118th birthday. But the Count's overprotective ways are inevitably what shows a wandering twenty-one year old backpacker the way to this exclusive resort. 

What unfolds truly is a cute film with all our favourite campy b-movie creatures making an appearance. I think a lot of people who watched this failed to remember that this is a children's movie. Like Shrek and Toy Story, this movie does have adult humour, which you have to be quick to pick up, but it also has fart jokes and a kind of annoying impression of Dracula. That said, it is a KIDS MOVIE. And of course there is a moral to the movie! After all, it is for CHILDREN, and we want our kids to learn. 

I thought it rather ingenious to address discrimination in this manner. We've seen it before, with Shrek and Paranorman and a lot of other family rated movies, but seeing monsters afraid of humans was enjoyable for me. Then again, I am easily contented. Sure, it's cliched. Yes, there are some unfunny parts. But the over all idea and animation are good. Trust me, I'm not an Adam Sandler fan either, but he isn't at his most annoying in this. The only thing I really didn't like was the final musical number. What was that??? And why was it necessary?  

If you want to watch a cartoon tonight, make it Monsters University, but if you've already seen that, give this one a go. It's fun and cute. 

Oh Man - Day 16

Last night, I watched the remake of The Omen.

Here is my review:

Title: The Omen
Year: 2006
Synopsis: A remake of the 1976 horror classic The Omen (1976), an American official realizes that his young son may literally be the devil incarnate.

Tagline: His day will come.

After all these years I've come to the conclusion I don't like The Omen. Not the original from 76 or the remake of 2006. It's just a bad movie. And I know it's heralded as a classic, but it really isn't very good. I can't even pinpoint what it is I dislike so much. Probably because we've seen it before. Is this not just a blend of The Exorcist and Rosemary's Baby? Both of which are far superior films. 

In both movies, the slow build is almost agonizing to watch. Nothing really happens. A lot is hinted at. And the creaking wheel on a tricycle is supposed to be scary. I must have missed the memo. It takes about 3/4 of the film to actually get to any action, but by that point you're so board that they could kill Damien and you wouldn't give a care because you can't stand any of the characters. Or maybe that's just me. Like Julia Stiles and Liev Schreiber couldn't act in this movie. Granted, I am not a huge Julia fan, but Liev, I love Sabretooth! But that's beside, even then, most of the action and suspense in The Omen is delivered through the dreams of the mother. What a cop out! 

Both of the fathers from the original and remake are annoying. The mothers weak and kind of crazy. Priests are erratic and don't offer enough evidence of their claim to convince. And the fact that everyone who is associated with the anti-christ is marked is far-fetched. Something else that drove me nuts, the dog. Why are dogs always these snarling snapping balls of fur in movies? Especially horror movies! 

There is the bones of a good movie here. It just so happens the flesh over said bones is rotten. To put it simply, the acting is stilted in both, plot is thin and watered down, movie generally lack luster and boring. I honestly think that this was such a success because it capitalized off the gore it displayed. Some of the deaths in this are cited in horror movie blogs as ground breaking, so I suppose it does in some ways deserve its cult classic standing. But I honestly think the only reason it was ever popular was because horror exploded in the seventies as cinema and the audience embraced their desire to be scared. 

Then they went and remade it. But that's irrelevant in this day and age, because there are far scarier, gorier movies, that actually have good actors and keen plots. 

A truly good movie stands the test of time. 

This sadly isn't one of them. Neither will the remake. 

Just pass on The Omen. 

The Best Cast Ever - Day 13

Within this movie you will find the best cast ever. 

Title: The Faculty

Year: 1998

Synopsis: Students suspect that their teachers are aliens after bizarre occurrences.

Tagline: Take me to your teacher.

Truth be told, I hadn't actually seen The Faculty since 1998 when it first came out. I didn't remember much of it, except Josh Hartnett played a staring role and something weird was going on with the teachers at Herrington High. Of course, all of that can be guessed by simply looking at the cover of the DVD.

This movie delivered surprise after surprise for me. Not with the plot, I had that figured out fairly early on, but with the ensemble cast. Jon Stewart, Clea Duvall, Famke Janssen, Salma Hayek, Jordana Brewster, Usher, Danny Masterson, Robert Patrick. I mean, the movie was so crammed packed with familiar faces I was beside myself with merriment. And so many of them are still acting today. I mean, I just watched Robert Patrick in an episode of Sons Of Anarchy!

My mind was blown. 

But it went into overdrive when I saw the final credits and learned the movie was done by Robert Rodriguze. Not sure how I missed that little factoid. This man is one of the masters of cinema and his list of hits are long and impressive with such blockbusters as Planet Terror, Desperado, Sin City, Machete, and From Dusk Till Dawn. Unfortunately, the dude also has some misses, like Spy Kids and The Faculty. 

The idea isn't bad, but like Disturbing Behaviour, we've been here before with better movies. And with Disturbing Behaviour. Looks as though 1998 proved to be the year MGM and Dimension films were battling it out to have the best Invasion Of The Body Snatchers inspired adolescent Sci-Fi/Horror movie! Honestly, I can't tell you which one won. 

Have you ever noticed this happening? Two major distributors releasing similar movies in the same year. Think about it. Snow White and the Huntsman came out around the same time Mirror Mirror did. The Prestige battled The Illusionist, Friends With Benefits fought No Strings Attached, The Cave went head-to-head with The Descent. And the list goes on and on. Actually, to prove my point, take a look at this blog right here. (Someone did the work for me and actually put the posters next to each other and everything.) 

This was keeping me awake last night. I kept thinking, why does this happen? Is it because these powerhouses in film want to beat the other out? Or are they simply trying to monopolize on the other's idea? Maybe this is all a coincidence.

Regardless, both The Faculty and Disturbing Behaviour ended up being misses, in my book. They weren't entirely disappointing. Both had attractive leads. And surprisingly robust casts. But I just can't tell you to go an watch them. You aren't missing out on anything if you don't see them, and that my friends is how you can tell if a movie is good or bad. 

Though I will give props to the alien aspect of this. Most movies shy away from showing the 'monster'. This one didn't. And Famke's head crawling around on the ground with tentacles was priceless. 

With this review the nineties weekend comes to an end. Needless to say, it's been a slice. 

 Priceless.

I'm Getting Old - Day 10

It just so happens I fell asleep during the movie last night.

And it wasn't because it was bad. In fact, I loved it! Sadly, I've been feeling a bit under the weather. I guess an early night was in order. Does anyone else get sick during seasonal changes? Or is that just me?

Title: An American Werewolf In London
Year: 1981
Synopsis: Two American college students on a walking tour of Britain are attacked by a werewolf that none of the locals will admit exists.

Tagline: Beware the moon

Because I fell asleep, I can't give you a full review of this. I will finish watching it tonight and, if it falls to shit, I will detract my recommendation that you view this. From this statement, you might be able to surmise that I hadn't actually seen this movie before. Shocking, right? It truly is a classic. 

From the man who brought us Blues Brothers and Animal House, John Landis delivers one of the best werewolf movies of all times. In case you didn't know, werewolves excite me. Full moon. Silver bullets. This will be the third movie I've watched (or 2.5, because I took a snooze through some of it), and I'm kind of wish I'd put more on the Horrorfest schedule. (Breaking news, I actually know how to spell schedule now!)

Ten minutes before I fell asleep last night, I said, "This is really good." Those are the exact words that came out of my pretty little mouth. It just goes to show, the older you get, the harder it is to keep your eyes open. 

This movie actually reminds me of a long lost friend. It scared the piss out of him. He mentioned it on more than one occasion. So, whenever I think of this movie, I think of him talking about running home, too scared to look behind him. 

I'm safe because I'm in Canada and the monster on the moors can't get me. 

What I did see of An American Werewolf in London put me in a happy state. Werewolves done right. Vicious. Terrifying. And there's a sex scene in the shower. Everything a girl like me could possibly dream of. 

Go watch it. And ignore this sub par review. 

Another Miss - Day 8

On the 8th day of Halloween, I learned my lesson and will not be letting other people contribute to my Horrorfest schedule from this day forth. And here is my review.

Title: Pumpkinhead
Year: 1988
Synopsis: A man conjures up a gigantic vengeance demon called Pumpkinhead to destroy the teenagers who accidentally killed his son.

Tagline: For each of man's evils a special demon exists...

This year, I took into consideration my sidekick. I asked for suggestions. Well, let's just put it this way, I wasn't expecting this colossal flop of a movie. Especially since Mr. Sidekick was earnestly excited over watching it. It was later to be revealed that he hadn't actually watched it since his teenage years. And, as we all know, the things we loved as teenagers aren't always what we love as an adult. For example, I cannot mix all the soda pop at the fountain together to make swamp water any more. It simply does nothing for me. 

That said, I gave it a go. Mostly because I hadn't seen it before and, just between you and me, I secretly hoped for a monster wearing a pumpkin on its head. Or, even better, a jack-o-lantern. Boy was I let down. 

Not only did Pumpkinhead lack someone wearing a carved pumpkin on their head, but it also missed out on the opportunity to be great. In theory, this should have worked. I mean, all the plot points were there. A man's son dies so he goes to visit the resident witch where he sets about summoning a demon to kill the teenage hooligans responsible for the kid's death. That right there is a rock solid plot! It can't get any better! 

Unfortunately, the basics of a great story isn't always enough. Atrocious acting, lack of meat, poor characterisation, and too many questions left for any viewer to be content. Where did Pumpkinhead come from? Why does the witch know how to summon it? How long has it been exacting revenge for humans who summon it? Why didn't the five other friends overpower the one dick head who hit the kid and insist they stick around? 

Really, the laundry list of whys are a mile and a half long. 

Such a shame. Because this movie could have been great. It isn't gory. Or suspenseful. Moderately confusing. And down right disappointing. Now, can someone please do this movie justice by remaking it, slapping a pumpkin on a monster's head and fleshing out a understandable plot? Also, please hire actors that can at least display more than three emotions. Thanks. 

Doesn't look like a pumpkin head to me!

Rosemary's Review - Day 7

If my Sunday night movie selection sucked, then Monday night kicked its ass. And hard.

Last night's freaky double feature consisted of The Exorcist and Rosemary's Baby. Because I wrote about The Exorcist last year in my E Is For Exorcism  post, I've decided not to rehash what I said way back then. If you want to know my thoughts on this movie you can click the link and travel back in time to a year ago. That said, I stand by my statements that this movie is one of the freakiest ever made. For a film from 1973 it is surprisingly undated. The special effects have rather miraculously withstood the test of time. I give Linda Blair all the credit, that crucifix scene is ... disturbing.

Now, onto Rosemary and her bundle of joy.

Title: Rosemary's Baby
Year: 1968
Synopsis: A young couple move into a new apartment, only to be surrounded by peculiar neighbours and occurrences. When the wife becomes mysteriously pregnant, paranoia over the safety of her unborn child begins controlling her life.

Tagline: Pray for Rosemary's baby. 

Honestly, I don't think I've watched Rosemary's baby since 2006. No matter how much time passes, I always think of two things when I put it into rotation again. First, my mother - I'm reminded that she saw this movie in the theatre and she didn't enjoy it. And also, I think about how surprisingly good it is. 

Let me address the fact that I know people hate Roman Polanski for the sexual abuse charges brought against him in 1977. Some people will refuse to watch this movie on principle. That's fine. All the power to you. I will not insist you see it or beret you if you don't. I do not agree with what the man did, but I cannot deny he makes good movies. The Pianist, Chinatown, Repulsion, The Tenant, Fearless Vampire Killers - I simply cannot name them all. And since I'd already seen four of these movies before I even learned of Polanski's indiscretion (Hey, the internet wasn't so popular back in the day, I didn't even have a cellphone in 2002!), I have decided to go ahead and continue to watch his films. 

That said, like The Exorcist, I find this little gem of a movie incredibly undated. It is well executed and one of the best psychological thrillers I've ever seen. of its time. While a lot of movies from the seventies reek of terrible acting and horrible special effects, this one doesn't. This late sixties shining star exploits the talents of a pixie faced Mia Farrow, who does a phenomenal job at portraying the naive Rosemary, and who actually looks quite sickly through the whole film. 

While I certainly don't want to give any spoilers, I have to say the best part of this movie is how normal Rosemary is portrayed in beginning. Then you are thrown into her decent into what feels like madness, but you cannot be a hundred percent certain of it because there's this nagging feeling in the back of you head that something simply isn't right. Not with her awkward husband. Or her nosy neighbours. The drinks she's being made. And the pain in her belly. 

I myself haven't read Ira Levin's novel, which is this adapted from, but I imagine it leaves it open for the reader to decide whether what is happening is true, or simply Rosemary's over active imagination. The methodical pacing is deliberate and allows us to imagine what next will happen. Unlike a lot of horror films from later on and today, Polanski didn't need to shove a bunch of cheesy effects into this movie. Through pacing, dialogue, acting and the way it is filmed the viewer is left riveted to the film, on the edge of their seat, curious over what happens next. 

Since I am always frank, there is one part of the movie that grates on my nerves. Guy Woodhouse. Rosemary's husband. He is so controlling and manipulative. Through the whole film, I wanted her to hit him upside the head with a frying pan! How he treated her drove me up the wall. I can't tell you how many times I said, "If someone every spoke to me like that they wouldn't have a tongue." I mean, after Rosemary goes to Vidal Sassoon and gets her hair cut, he asks, "What the hell is that? You actually paid for it?" Seriously! What a jerk. 

This movie doesn't disappoint and I highly suggest giving it a go. 

Go ahead and tell me that hair isn't adorable! 

Underwhelming - Day 6

For the longest time, I've always said, it's hard to take Stephen King books and make them into movies. Because he truly is a master of horror, it can be tricky to translate his imagery onto the big screen. Don't get me wrong, it can be done, but I find myself loving the movies that are more dramatic and suspenseful than straight up horror. Great examples of this would be Delores Claiborne, Carrie, Misery, The Green Mile and The Shining.

Horrorfest 2013 had me being adventurous. I selected a unique blend of movies, some I'd seen and others I hadn't, and as you might have noticed, I was excited for this weekend. Unfortunately, last night I chose two  stinkers from the 1980's. The movies were Christine and Children of the Corn, and ended up being a huge let down for the wrap up party for the Stephen King weekend.

When I was thirteen, Christine was one of my favourite books. But a great book doesn't necessarily make a great movie. Because this was directed by John Carpenter I feel bad giving it a thumbs down, like I might be burned at the stake for saying something he put his golden hands on is crap. Sadly, that's exactly what I'm saying, even if he is sacrilegious to horror buffs the world over. Between crappy acting and a weak plot line, I was left feeling unfulfilled. In the book, the main plot was that Christine's previous owner Roland LeBay was so poisoned that his evilness possessed the car. The movie decided to go another route, which failed to explain where Christine's need to kill came from, even why she was doing it. With this one decision, the entire movie was derailed.

What could have been a truly genius film fell short.

Second was Children of the Corn. I do remember being terrified of this movie when I was a child and, for what its worth, it isn't terrible. Like Christine, though, it was left with bad acting and a terrible screen writer. While John Carpenter purposely cut out a pivotal piece of plot from Christine, director Fritz Kiersch apparently didn't change a bloody thing from the book version of COTC. The issue with this is, because Children of the Corn was only a short story, one would actually need to add elements in to have enough substance to make a feature film out of it.

If you watch this movie and aren't left with a lot of questions, then you clearly have a better imagination than I do. This suffered a lack of meat and meander all over the place. Don't get me wrong, the idea is great, it simply wasn't developed enough to make it a ninety-two minute movie. Lastly, what the hell was with Isaac's voice? Was that really necessary?

In the end, I can't really recommend either of these movies. This hurts me more than it hurts you.

Burn It Down - Day 5

Rather perfectly, last night Carrie teamed up with Firestarter to deliver a vegeful night fueled by fire. A quick review of Firestarter would be that it is Drew Barrymore's best acting since E.T. They could have cut the very last scene, though. Made it way too cheesy for my liking. And onto better things. 

Title: Carrie
Year: 1976
Synopsis: A young, abused and timid 17-year-old girl discovers she has telekinesis, and gets pushed to the limit on the night of her school's prom by a humiliating prank.

Tagline: If you've got a taste for terror ... take Carrie to the prom.

Boy, has Brian De Palma done a lot of noteworthy movies. While I would love to say when I think about him his legendary roll call springs to mind, like Carlito's Way and Scarface, unfortunately all I think about is Dressed to Kill and Phantom of the Paradise. And Carrie. 

It's hard to forget about Carrie. 

Perhaps I am bias because the novel by Stephen King was one of my most favourites when I was a ten year old kid. Still, I find very few flaws with De Palma's Carrie. In one breath, it is staggeringly heartbreaking and, in another, creepy as can be. There is a youthful innocence that simply radiates off Sissy Spacek. You believe her to be this young naive creature who knows nothing about the world. Stunted by an overly religious mother, who happens to have a severe case of dementedness, Carrie is screwed up from the word go. 

Timid and unsure, Carrie exists in an environment where she basically skates through without much notice. Other than being the weird girl. Or so is the impression you get as a viewer. It's only with her untimely first period that she is thrust out from the shadow of invisibility and brought into the limelight. Bullying has always existed and, as the girls pelt Carrie with pads and tampons and shout 'plug it up', all you feel is an immense sense of embarrassment and pity for the poor girl. Ten minutes in and De Palma has managed to bring to life a character you feel nothing but sympathy for. 

Then, when you meet her mom, it all becomes clear. The whole movie, as Carrie rebels against her mother, you want her to be contented. To experience a normal moment. A little happiness. But with the taunt of 'they're all going to laugh of you' ringing loud and clear, you get the sense that this is a very obvious case of foreshadowing. All hope is smashed apart in the last fifteen minutes of the movie. 

In a lot of ways, Carrie isn't exactly 'horror', but more a coming of age teen flick that just so happens to have a very bad outcome. 

And what about Sue Snell. The girl gets caught up in the moment, tosses some tampons and ends up losing her boyfriend and all her friends because of it. When I say 'losing' I mean having them burnt up in a fire and buried in the ground because they are dead. Her nice deed went completely unnoticed. Well, that's unfortunate. Especially when she might have been able to derail the whole pigs' blood incident. 

Honestly, this is one of my favourite horror movies. It delivers. And Sissy Spacek just did an astounding job at breathing life into Carrie. 

Pet Cujo - Day 4

Friday night kicked off the Stephen King weekend here for Horrorfest! Which means, I am partaking in movies based on King novels. I did in fact watch two movies last night, Pet Sematary and Cujo, but I'll only be reviewing the first, because the later makes me sad. There is something about the neglect of Cujo that gets me angry. I mean, did no one notice the gigantic wound on his poor little nose? These people deserved to be eaten.

Anyway, on we go.

Title: Pet Sematary
Year: 1983
Synopsis: Behind a young family's home in Maine is a terrible secret that holds the power of life after death. When tragedy strikes, the threat of that power soon becomes undeniable.

Tagline: Sometimes dead is better. 

As a pet lover, I'm not to sure why I chose two animal horror movies for one night. That said, I really love Pet Sematary, even though it does suffer some flaws. Let's talk about why I love it first and tackle the 'meh' parts after. 

Right off the bat, this is a zombie movie even though it rarely is ever recognized as one. The proof is in the pudding. The dead come back to life and they dine on people. No matter how you cut the pie, it still equals cannibalistic dead person. Zombie. Still, you won't ever find this in the zombie-fest movie line up, which I always thought rather curious. Why is it this movie isn't given the credit it so deserves? It's missed classification make me feel it is a hidden zombie classic that perhaps only I recognize the genius of.

Another thing you have to enjoy about Pet Sematary is Fred Gwynne. The minute he steps on screen I have to repeat 'Herman Munster' six times, just so everyone in the room knows that this man is the iconic Herman Munster from the hit television show The Munsters. Anyone, who is anyone, who loves horror, will know this man and how awesome he is. His voice is legendary and whenever I hear it I get a warm fuzzy feeling in my belly and imagine him telling Eddie the ups and downs of life.  Oh, hell, I'll just put it here so we can move on. 

From that point on, there is a lot to like about this short movie. The little kid who plays Gage does a bang up job and is very convincing as a demonic brat who just wants to play. Granted, his sister is the most terrible child actor ever to exist, but I hear balance is necessary in life. By far and wide, Church, the family cat, steals the show. Though, I always wondered why Church always seemed to hate Louis, the dad, so much. Right from the opening he only had hisses and growls for the man. Makes me suspicious. 

That said, for a movie called Pet Sematary, there isn't a heck of a lot happening with pets, other than Church's reanimation. There is a veiled back-story that involves a dog, but after not watching this movie for awhile it surprised me that there is actually a very minimalistic pet factor throughout. 

Now for the flaws. Well, I don't understand why Rachel takes the kids to go to her parents' house for Thanksgiving. After all, this is her family and they just got a brand new home, why doesn't she make dinner for the four of them and invite Herman Munster over to join them. Another confusing factor is the suicide of the neighbour. She hanged herself because of cancer, though I am uncertain how this contributes to the plot at all. I am assuming it is to breech the subject of death with Ellie, the daughter. Though it is never truly explained. 

Finally, why doesn't Louis Creed learn his lesson. The ghost of Pascow delivers a message from beyond the grave, heeding Louis of the power of the Pet Sematary. Still, he buries Church there. Then Jud, Herman Munster, better known as Gwynne tells tales of the people and animals who came back after being buried in the Pet Sematary. They are never the same. 

Still, he buries Gage there. Big mistake. And even after having to kill his son afterwards, rather unfairly, as Gage thinks, he still ends up digging a grave for his wife there. The delusional fools seems to think it will be different this time. But it is never different! It makes me think this man deserves what he got. I mean, he was warned more than once. 

This is an entertaining movie and actually quite fun. I have to confess, I think Rachel Creed's history with her sister is absolutely disturbing. And apparently, they couldn't find a woman bony enough to play the part, so Zelda is actually a man! If that doesn't entice you to give it a go, I don't know what will. 

Ginger Slaps - Day 3

Last night, day three, was wolf night. I watched Ginger Snaps, which I hadn't seen, and Wolfman (2010) which I have. The reason I am only writing about the first is because I was actually pretty impressed with it.

You know the drill:  

Title: Ginger Snaps
Year: 2000
Synopsis: Two death-obsessed sisters, outcasts in their suburban neighborhood, must deal with the tragic consequences when one of them is bitten by a deadly werewolf.

Tagline: They don't call it the curse for nothing.

For a horror movie buff like me, one might think I would have already watched Ginger Snaps. After all, it came out thirteen years ago. The reason I didn't was because the movie's marketing team complete screwed the pooch. I actually thought this was going to be just another low-budget, tacky, Canadian horror film where the big breasted blonde manages to dupe everyone and save the day. I mean, Ginger Snaps. Is this about cookies?

Not-So-Spoiler-Alert: That isn't the case at all.

With the obvious play on word title and boring synopsis on the back of the box to the side, I actually genuinely liked the Fitzgerald sisters, Ginger and Bridgette. Not only did their obsession with the death intrigue me, it set them apart from the plethora of teen movies with lead characters who had hobbies such as volleyball, writing poetry, shopping and, in general, being generic.

The unique characters weren't the only reason I was enthralled. Right from the first couple minutes, I was curious over the beast that seemed to be terrorizing this town. Though it did spring to mind one question, why was this thing only feasting on the townspeople's dogs. That was solved when Ginger got her period, or curse, or Aunt Flow, and, in doing so, made herself into a target. Stupid girl. Doesn't she know not to get her period while wandering the streets at night. Tsk.

Somehow she lives through the rather brutal attack. Hey, I don't ask questions. I just watch the movie. And, lo and behold, she starts changing. Trust me, I am not spoiling anything telling you this. It is the way Ginger changes and the desperation of Bridgette trying to cure her that is incredibly touching. All this time we though puberty was hard. Little did we know. It's way harder to be a teenage werewolf.

Another big box ticked was the lack of a simpering love story. YAY. Though there may have been a bit of a crush hinted at between Bridgette and Sam, it didn't develop past a subtle possibility the two might have some sort of feelings for one another. Thank God! I am so tired of movies that should be horror turn into teen romances. Oh, the ending didn't cop out and have the young possible lovers fleeing town and the fully transformed Ginger. For that, I add another gold star to the top of their paper.

The only annoyance I suffered was trying to place where I'd seen the actress who played Ginger before. Don't worry. I figured it out. Another little Canadian horror flick called American Mary - go ahead and press play, it's actually fairly fun as well.

Needless to say, Ginger Snaps slapped me across the face and said, 'why didn't you pay attention to me sooner?' For that, I will be forever regretful. But there is nothing like a good Lyken movie to get you howling.

See what I did there?