Magic

I believe in magic.

Today, I walked past the ocean and ventured into the woods. The earth was damp from the tears Mother Nature shed the night before, leaving behind a sodden pathway and the most invigorating scent. And as I walked, I noticed the raindrops hanging off the withered leaves and bare branches. They sparkled in the sunshine, reminding me of the white lights we adorn our trees with, and I stopped to take notice.

It's easy not to notice. Easy to keep walking. Have headphones in and our eyes on our shoes. It's easy to pass the magic right on by.

No one has to tell winter to come. No one has to tell the season to change. The cycle continues no matter what. It turns and the warmth leaves as the cold rushes in. The year goes by. Leaves fall, only to grow again when spring returns.

This is magic.

To smell a new day. To hear the birds playing in the underbrush. To see the life of fungi poking up among the decay of Fall and to hold leaves bigger than our heads in our hands. To exist and be a part of something out of our control, something that will continue no matter what we do or say.

Magic is all around me.

Wildflowers

Today is going to be all about flowers and pictures, mostly pictures of flowers. The world is blooming and this morning I took notice. After an hour and a half of walking and thinking to myself, "Wow, look at all these flowers" I decided to start taking pictures of every flower I passed that wasn't in someone's yard.

Yes, we live in troubling times, but there is beauty as well. All around us. If we just take the time to notice. Isn't that the key, though? Taking time to notice. Sometimes it looks like we are all so busy that we don't have a free moment to see the pretty things in life. And without the pretty things life can be so drab.

Anyhow, here are the flowers I saw on my way home:

The Wacky Woods

Today I took a walk in the Wacky Woods. It's this hidden art installation in Fanny Bay, put together by a man named George Sawchuk. Not only did George turn his 4 acre backyard into an outdoor art exhibit, but it's free and interactive. What will you find in the Wacky Woods?

Motivational quotes, books hidden in nooks in trees, anti-political and government sculptures and a lot of radical ideologies that go against virtually everything we have been raised to think. The Wacky Woods is equal parts nature and creative spirit. If you choose to walk in the woods, don't go alone, bring someone along, and be prepared to think, pause, and chat about the things you see.

What I loved the most? How George managed to stress our responsibility to the Earth. There was an overwhelming theme of how drastic our behaviour has changed this world we live in. How we need to step up, band together, and not be afraid to resist and speak out. While I wandered through this AMAZING piece of history, I was in awe of this man who took the time to create such a magnificent place and opened it up for everyone. I couldn't think of one person who wouldn't be inspired by it.

And because I am a total picture whore, I tool plenty of them. I will only post my top ten here, though.

Dildos & Sore Feet

There's this guy I'm head over heels in love with. He's utter perfection. Just adorable. Kind. Gentle. A bit hyperactive at times. A gorgeous personality. Clumsy. Mischievous. But there's a bit of an issue. You see, he's gotten fat. Now, don't look at me like that. I love a little extra something-something, but the winter months have not been kind. And yes, I feel terrible saying this. I mean, how can anyone say such things about such a magnificent creature?

So, I haven't. I mean, there's know way I can tell him he's chubby. When we go out in public and people call him a 'brute' or comment on how 'massive' he is, I tell him they are talking about his personality. Not about his size. I always take the time to tell him he is beautiful. And just the perfect the way he is. But the truth is, he needs to slim down. The even more heart breaking truth is I have also suffered the past couple months. I too am out of shape. There are no excuses, even though I have plenty I can try to pawn off as the reason why my thighs are meeting a little more forcefully than normal.

A couple months ago I was doing so well. We were going for walks every day. Hikes in the mountains. Jaunts around the block. We were at one with nature, except that asshole dog who attacked us that time and scared us into not wanting to go out. Hence the hibernation. Anyhow, I have resolved to get us both outdoors more, not only because of the weight issue, but because it's detrimental to the health of my grey matter for me to check in with nature, sink my feet into the earth, breathe the sweet forest air, and give props to Mother Nature for her most excellent and creative ways. 

Today, Dixon and I made the trek into Royston, to the beach. It's about 7.5 kilometres there, then we had to walk all the way back, so 15 kilometres both ways. It didn't take too long, really. Less than three hours. Worth every single minute. When we got to the beach, Dixon walked in the water and happened to pull me in with him. Wet shoes and an hour and half walk home didn't leave me all that enthusiastic, but there were no options. It's not like they'd let Dixon ride the bus, so I was determined not to let it ruin my experience.  

While we were walking into Royston, I stopped to take a picture of skunk cabbage which, despite its name, is actually quite beautiful. So, I crouched down to get the shot, steady my hand, try to ignore the dog pulling me this way and that, and I think I got a pretty good shot. 

  

But as I was getting back to my feet, I saw it in the water. Flesh coloured. Long. Thick. Alone. And I laughed out loud, because what else is there to do in that situation. Oh, and I took a picture, because who would believe me if I didn't get photographic evidence?

Yep, that's right, in the creek at the side of the road was a ten inch dildo. Just sitting there. No owner around. Of course, I got to thinking about who this could have belonged to and how it got here, in the middle of nowhere, at the side of the road, in the water. Still, the bigger question I had was, how many other abandoned dildos are out there in the world?

I didn't touch it. I left it there, hoping it would make someone else laugh.

Granted, you might be thinking this was the highlight of our walk, but it wasn't. I love going out exploring. Every time I take a new trail, I get excited over what I might find. The whole way down, I walked the roadway, so there wasn't any twisting forest trails, but the nature was there. On either side of us, the water rushing, the scent of evergreens and fresh rain. As the day progressed, the drizzle stopped, the grey sky parted and the sun came out to play. And I found these train tracks. Whenever I cross a set, I think about all the trains that used to run on them, the things they carried, the people who worked them, when they were laid.

Even though we are both out of shape, both packing around a few extra pounds, we made it to the beach. We got down there in about an hour and a half. No one was there. It was just the two of us. Sure, we didn't stay long, but we set a goal, or I did for both of us, and we stuck to it.

The beach was stunning. The tide was out. Little puddles held sea life. Rocks were slick with algae and seaweed. We tasted sea salt on the air. Wind ruffled our hair. Off to one side there were these shipwrecked vessels, all rusted and rotten. They were too far out for us to get to in order to explore, but they looked so neat standing there against the backdrop of the land and water. 

On the other side, just openness. No restrictions. No rules.

Our journey home proved to be a bit painful, for both of us. I could tell by how slow Dixon was moving and his frequent stops to drink water in the creek that he was feeling the burn. As for myself, my ass and thighs hurts, but it's that great hurt, the one telling you you're doing something right. The pain that makes you feel alive. On our return walk, I found myself looking in the creek more and thinking about how such odd things strike me as beautiful. There was this grass in the water and it was bending with the current, as it always does, but the way it was folding over and moving with the rush of water struck me as so pretty.

This picture doesn't really do it justice. You're just going to have to take my word for gospel. The grass in the water was lovely, okay?

Anyway, my feet are sore, but the walk was totally worth it. And I'm pretty sure the big guy feels the same way. It's nice I have these places to explore and the time to spend walking for three hours. Sometimes it gets away from me, but I really do live a very nice life.

Tears From Heaven

No, this does not give reference to that horrible Eric Clapton song. And yes, I am aware that statement will cause people the world over to gasp in horror. But it's the truth. Tears In Heaven is a horrible song. It's terribly depressing and breaks my heart. I mean, come on! It's about the death of his four year old son. I can't handle that. Too sensitive.

Don't get me weepy. That song and Life Is Beautiful. PASS.

Anyhow, I'm talking about the rain pouring down from the heavens today. It is nonstop. The clouds aren't even taking time to breathe. Wonder who make the sky so sad.

On days like these, everyone talks about the weather. They make comments about how miserable it is outside. Weather talk is about my least favourite kind of discussion. So, I am writing about it! How exciting, for you.

From where I stand, rain is awesome. It cleans the air. Feeds the flora and fauna. And who doesn't like that tap-tap-tapping against the window pane in the middle of an epic storm. Oh, and it takes care of snow. It's like, Hi Snow, you came, you saw, now you must go. Just like that, a little downpour and the snow takes off without so much as a goodbye. Fine by me. I'll take rain over snow every single time.

Unlike others, I look forward to the rain, I appreciate it. I am grateful for it. I even like walking in it, if I have the right footwear. Nothing better than puddle jumping. But do it on the way home, then you know you will be warm and dry in a matter of minutes. And have you ever smelled the forest during the rain. It's the sweetest scent you'll ever draw through your nose. Maybe you have to be a fran of nature to appreciate raindrops on roses. But then again, who the hell isn't a fan of nature?

Interestingly enough, I think this rainstorm is all my doing. I did the rain dance in our kitchen the other night. The Sidekick refused to join in. Typical. Still, my thighs and chants were strong enough and Mother Nature complied.

The other day when we were driving back from the ferry, we saw a rainbow. It was sunny and rainy and we knew it was coming. When we saw it, there was this sigh of relief because nature didn't disappoint. All this wetness is cleansing. Refreshing. It's washing all our sins away and giving us a fresh start.

Rain, rain, don't go away. Stay around another day.

Kiss The Sky

Spring is here.

Don't even think about going to look at the calender either because season come whether the month says so or not. And I can 120% confirm that spring is here. New growth, crisp air, mushy ground. All signs point to awesome.

Today, I finally broke out of hibernation (meaning laziness) and got off the couch. It's clear outside is where I'm meant to be. One of the most lovely factors of the great outdoors is that it doesn't matter if you're alone. Sure, you can bring a friend along, if you so please, but if you don't have any local friends, you can just head on out there all alone and not feel lonely at all.

Is it just me, or is it hard to feel sad in the forest?

There's a loop I do through the trails near my house that takes about an hour to complete. Two sections of it allow me to kiss the sky. It's high enough for me to feel on top of the world, but not so high that I have to pack a lunch to get there. When I'm standing there, looking over the village I live, I feel small, unimportant, a blip on the radar.

And that's just the way I want it.

My ripples on this earth will not be massive or memorable, they shall be small. But just like the baby waves take silt out to the ocean, I too will have some sort of impression. I am a cog in this machine but my intentions are good.

More than anything, I want to protect what makes me feel happy. Protect the feeling of standing on top of the world, being one with nature, a part of this earth. These trees and mountains and ferns, I want them to be here past my life, past the children I don't have lives, and their children too. And on and on and on and on. It makes me wonder why people want to tear it down.

It's almost like people forget it serves a purpose. Not only is it lovely and amazing, it cleans the air. Yes, trees have a function here on earth, just like all aspects of nature. They are important. They are also cogs in the machine Mother Nature crafted for us to enjoy. I am super lucky because I live in a beautiful place.

Anyhow, I sunk my feet in and kissed the sky today. I highly recommend you do the same.

Take pictures, too. It's always nice to capture what you love and show others.

Sunday, Sunday, Sunday

I have decided that Sundays are going to be my one sentence day. Not only because I put my vlog out on these days, but because it's the beginning of the week and we all need a day of rest. So, from this day forth, Sunday will be known as cop out day.

Today I am thinking of the rain. I'm grateful for it.

It's beautiful and refreshing. And anyone who stands in the forest after a fresh downpour, or during one, has experienced the best scent in the world.

Rain.

Food Is In

Today I was reading a beauty blog about what is in and out.

In case you are wondering, Ombre, smokey eyes, pixie cuts and logo bags are all out. If you want to know what's in, you will have to just make up your own damn mind about what you like and run with it. Taking advice from an unseen nobody behind a computer screen seems a bit odd to me.

The most interesting 'in' for me was food.

Yes, you heard it here first, or second, maybe eighth. Food is good.

What the what?

You know what I am grateful for? The fact that food has never been 'out' to me. Sure, there was more to the post I read. It detailed juice diets and how eating healthy is the new awesome thing to do. But it still confounds me how people get it in their heads that food is bad. Yes, there are bad foods, but do you know how many super awesome foods there are out there?

Mother Nature is one crafty bitch!

She (or maybe God, if that's what you believe) crafted up this assortment of deliciousness that everyone needs. Yes, needs. People need food. Not only does it turn into energy and fuels the body, but it keeps your skin clear, your eyes sharp, teeth strong. Really, the list is endless. You won't believe what food can do for you. Just consult Dr. Googles.

It isn't healthy to starve yourself. Or exist on soup diets. Or juice diets. Or use pills to get the vitamins and minerals you need. That's just common sense. And I know eating disorders exist because people want to be other people. It's mental and dangerous, and scary, really. Everyday, people do unhealthy things in hopes of changing themselves into something they most likely will never be. It boggles the mind.

Since food is in, I am going to share this little salad I made yesterday.

1 Cup cooked Quinoa 

(I cook mine with a splash of lemon juice for awesome giggles and stuff)

1 Roma Tomato

1/4 Cup Red Pepper

1/4 Cup Cucumber

A bit of onion

Cilantro to taste 

Pea shoots

1 Cup chickpeas

No dressing. Trust me, you don't need it. Now eat it all up! 

It's Not Okay To Be Fat

You know what I am thinking about? How many people are trying to lose weight for their resolution.

A couple weeks ago a guy posted a comment about how it has become 'okay' to be fat. And how it is so not okay. I've heard enough fatist comments to understand they stem from ignorance and you can't change that sort of way of thinking. Not with a blog. Not with carefully crafted responses. Not even with a 'fuck you'.

But this is my place, space, home. And I am wondering where this guy came up with his information? Who ever said it was okay to be fat?

I have heard it out of zero mouths. That's a whole lot of no one.

Besides, who decides what fat is?

My boyfriend doesn't think I am fat, but I know a lot of other people do. My weight alone puts me in an overweight category, according to Dr. Googles (thanks for that, Dr. Googles, I thought we had something special). There are plenty of people who would be horrified if my thighs were their thighs. Or ass, for that matter. And men and women alike, all over the world, think I should dedicate more time and energy to upgrading this outer shell of mine.

But here's the thing. I like it - this shell. It's awesome, because it works. I mean, there are weird hairs and cellulite, stretch marks and jiggly bits, but it's mine. It functions. And it's kind of fabulous, if you squint and cock your head to the side.

For that I am grateful.

And is it not okay for me to be this size?

To some, yes. To others, no.

Fine, I am not obese, or gigantic, but I've been a lot heavier than this. I know how hard it is to lose ten pounds, twenty pounds, thirty pounds - actually, I lost fifty. Fifty pounds. It took a long time. A lot of work. And a complete mental overhaul. And even when I was 210 pounds, or 190, or 175, didn't I have the right to be okay?

Isn't it exhausting thinking you can lose fifty pounds and still be considered overweight?

That's the world we live in. If it isn't one thing, it's another.

So, no it isn't okay to be fat.

And, hey, even when you drop the weight, or half the weight, or get to your goal, it still won't be okay. Because we live in this incredibly messed up world where how you look will never be okay. Not to them. The masses. Society. Beauty magazines and peddlers of face cream and lip liner. They don't want you to be okay. Because if you're okay, you aren't buying into the diet fads and multi-billion dollar fashion/make up industry.

The truth is, I want you to be okay. Happy. Content. No matter what your weight is.

The facts are:

Every single woman (and a lot of men) in my life has made a comment about wanting to lose weight.

My friends, which there are a surprising ten, are not happy with the way they look in a bathing suit.

My Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Tumblr feeds all had people talking about how they are going to get in shape, drop the weight, stop eating poorly, exercise more.

No one seems okay with their weight.

You can't argue with that. It isn't okay to be fat. Not for any of the people I know - it isn't what people want for themselves. Except that one women whose goal was to weigh a ton.

It's why they count calories, feel guilty about eating a box of cookies for dinner on a Saturday night, skip meals, jiggle their bellies in disgust when they look in the mirror, obsess over how little exercise they get, and get sucked into crazy things like Isogenics, where they limit themselves to four hundred calories a day. They feel uncomfortable in their clothes, and out of them.

But isn't that the goal?

Discomfort means someone in the marketing world is doing something right.

I guess the 'why is it okay to be fat' comment irritated me because I know how un-okay it is. I don't consider anyone I know to be fat, or myself for that matter. That's the honest truth. But I know society does. I know how hard it is to lose weight. I know how frustrating it is. How sometimes it feels impossible to drop the bullshit, to let go of what's holding you back, and take the first step. Celebrating who you are is important, if you are skinny, average, chubby, obese. Just look inside and see the person you want to be. Strive to be them.

I know how damaging words can be, even stupid Facebook status updates that aren't 'directed towards you' but that hurt. Words cut deep. Because they are the greatest weapon ever used. And this thing called life? It's defeating. It's not easy. Some days, it's down right inconceivable to be okay. Sometimes just getting out of bed is a chore. And I get it. Digging yourself out of a slump requires tenacity, which is another word for energy, and that stuff doesn't come cheap. Change isn't a walk in the park on a sunny day. Change is a swim in the ocean during the most tempestuous storm Mother Nature ever conjured up and your companions are ravenous sharks. Oh, you have a cut on your knee too.

I know. I get it. I see how we are raised to dislike ourselves. To think there is always room for improvement. And how much money marketing and advertising companies make. They wouldn't make those kind of bones if it didn't work. Not to mention the chemicals in food, how they effect our bodies and brains. How over-processed what we eat and drink is. Also, how by the time we have the knowledge to make an informed decision, the damage has usually been done. High glucose corn syrup, I'm looking at you.  Did you know there are addictive chemicals in food? It's why you have cravings, and it exists.

In the end, there are a lot of things working against us. Because the FDA and big business love to cut corners, we kind of got screwed. But why do we continue to allow ourselves to be screwed? It's time to take responsibility, inform ourselves, and say no. I see a hell of a lot of people doing that, working towards just being okay.

And I think it SHOULD be okay for everyone to be okay. No matter what their weight is. There has been a huge 'love yourself' movement in the past decade with companies focusing on advertising with 'real' women. Laws to cut down on photo shopping. Fashion companies being forced to use models in all sizes. How is this bad? Why is it wrong for people to be happy with who they are? Accept who they are? Love who they are?

It is okay to be fat. Because I say so. 

Just like it is okay to be Christian, Asian, skinny, freckle-faced, tattooed and hairy.

I believe everyone has the right to just be. And maybe that's another thing I am grateful for. Being open-minded and compassionate enough to understand.

Besides, you're beautiful. Don't you know?