Sunday, October 19, 2014

Squatty Potty - A Crappy Post

There are days you learn things you will never truly understand, even though it makes sense. This week I have learned about the Squatty Potty. What is this? you might ask. Well, simply put, it's a contraption to help you defecate. I stumbled upon it because I follow an Instagram account about good foods and bad foods. Last week, they did a special seven day picture-a-thon of ways to resolve constipation. Now, I don't have such a problem, just one of the advantages of having a plant-based diet and drinking lots of water. Not that anyone needs to know about my regularity.

The point is, the pictures were in my feed and, when I came across the Squatty Potty, I paused.

Totally reasonable, right? 

The science behind it is sound, I suppose. With your knees elevated, your hips align with your colon, thus mimicking a squatting position. While sitting bends the colon, squatting properly actually opens the colon and allows you to evacuate more waste. (Side note, this is really hard to write without using words like shit, shitting, and cop a squat). Anyhow, I figure this is what is what the cavemen used to do, right? Neanderthals didn't have toilets. They squatted in the bush. So, in theory, this makes total sense. 

And in other cultures it's common to squat. There are even toilets built right into the floor that you squat over. But the advertisements for the Squatty Potty are straight up ridiculous and, as someone who just stumbled upon this newfangled way of pooping, it's a bit startling. Except, I think I'm just out of the poop loop. On Facebook, the Squatty Potty has 17, 787 likes! And the helpfulness of the elimination station (as they call it) is spreading rapidly. It was even on Dr. Oz! There are two options, a plastic one and the fabulous bamboo one depicted above, and come in seven or nine inches tall. Fun fecaling for the whole family! But they have other amazing things to offer on their website too, like a fresh water bidet and Smooth Move - a colon cleanser. In fact, you can even buy this delightful t-shirt: 

Anyhow, if you are looking for a way to relieve hemorrhoids, IBS, constipation, bloating or any bladder problems, why not pick a toilet stool up? (Toilet stool? Heh. Funny.) The plastic one is only twenty bucks, but the bamboo, which is much nicer, will run you around sixty. Don't wait, learn how to poo like a pro today!!

You're welcome.  

No comments: