Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Monday From Hell

Yesterday, I was so off from centre it wasn't even funny. It all started because I woke up late. I hate waking up late. Not only does it derail my whole day, but it threatens to derail my whole week. The thing is, I don't have an excuse as to why I woke up late. Maybe it was all the long weekend shenanigans and tomfoolery. (I'm a lucky girl and had Friday off)

Anyway, back to the Monday I need not a repeat of. My body naturally roused me at three thirty. When I saw this, I got excited. It meant I still had like forty minutes to sleep! 

"FORTY MINUTES," my body and mind said. "Splendiferous!" 

So, like the normal girl I am, I toddled back to sleep, only to awaken eighty minutes later with the gut feeling of 'something isn't right in the world'. It's because the sky wasn't dark like I'm used to seeing. It was light. Meaning I was late. Ugh. How annoying. Like the diligent, reliable, hard working person I am, I ran around my house, a la chicken with its head cut off, in a desperate attempt to ready myself for work in five minutes. And I did it. 

Even if I didn't wash my face or put on deodorant, I still made it out of the house in record time. (Yes, I did brush my teeth).

Except, I had to go back because I forgot my friend's birthday present. And I forgot to walk my dog. 

I know, I know. How the heck can someone forget to walk their dog? Well, Oliver is lazy. He's actually the epitome of lethargic except for about half an hour a day in which he insists on running around like a maniac. In my defence, he didn't even move from the bed. Clearly I wasn't the only one participating in Snooze-Fest 2012. So, maybe I forgot about him altogether as I kid my madcap dance around the house. 

The point is, I went back. And I swear he groaned when I made him get out from under the warm blankets. Yes, he sleeps under them. He even puts his head on the pillow. I actually woke up to him staring me in the face this morning. Of course, I smiled at him. And yes, I am aware if it had of been a person I would have recoiled or asked, "Why are you staring at me?" 

After I got the gift, and the dog did his morning piddle, I hauled my ass to work. Along route, I noticed a coyote in the ravine by work. I was all, oh, look, a coyote, this morning totally is picking up and I think - My thought was cut off by the four-legged mongrel darting in front of my car and me narrowly avoiding hitting him! Last time I stop to admire nature. 

Even though I was only about fifteen minutes late, my usual parking stall was taken. (Oh, woe is me!) Still, I refused to be discouraged. Up I went, to my desk, where I took a seat and realized, I didn't have any lunch except the cashews and dried mango slices in my purse. Not really a well balanced meal. And of course it was on a day in which I was ravenous. RAVENOUS, I tell you. My stomach literally ate my brain. I mean, that's the only explanation for the ridiculous thoughts and actions that I delivered after arriving at my place of employment. 

Three notable things happened afterwards and here they the sequence of events in which they occurred...

1. Three hours into my shift a friend asked, "What the hell is up with your shirt?" Well, I'd buttoned it wrong. Like completely wrong. Not one button off, but two. TWO! It was lopsided and, as soon as she pointed it out, I realized rather uncomfortable. I fixed this, but it didn't reassure me that a simple act like dressing myself was too difficult to succeed at. I mean, it's not like I haven't been dressing myself for over two decades. In order to feel a bit better about this, I sought solace in knowing at least I had my pants on. 

2. A co-worker asked where my truck was parked. Of course, being the panicky individual I am, I went down to check. Only to remember I am a complete numpty and had to park in a different spot this morning because I was late. Tad bit embarrassing if you think about it. I'm not going to do that, though. I'm just going to move along.

3. Because I am a trooper, I went to the gym when I got home. I really wanted to have a nap. Instead, I ran my three miles, walked my mile cool down, did some pathetic attempts at stretching, lifted a few meagre weights, then slunk back upstairs to my nice, cool condo. Where, despite telling myself over and over not to do it, I laid down in my bed in my stinky gym clothes and fell asleep. Disgusting, right? I know, but I simply couldn't help myself. For the record, I did change my sheets. 

Thankfully, the day ended without too much of a hitch. And I slipped off to slumber around midnight. Still, I'm glad I didn't wake up this morning like Bill Murray in Groundhog Day and have to redo Monday. 

I'm hoping the rest of this week goes smoothly.



Anonymous said...

I'm sorry for your misfortune, but this made me laugh like a drain earlier!

Exmoorjane said...

You get up at 4am? This explains a lot. :)