Monday, September 21, 2009

Fall To Your Knees

Have you ever had one of those days that takes you out at the knees.
Leaves you crippled and broken.
Leaves you wondering what the hell you are doing.
It started last night. I tried to bring myself out of it, but the black cloud took over. Leaving my heart hurting.
The world is a big place and, to be honest, I am just a fleck on its surface. Insignificance is a hard thing to come to terms with. No matter what I do, I know I am doing it to the best capability I can. And yet, it still seems rather pointless. I am not delusional. When I die, I die. My name will not live on when my body ceases to be. Morbid and morose indeed.
Today I was taken by surprise. And not in a good way.
Have I been wasting my time? Have I been investing myself in the right people? Could I have been wrong?
Maybe I am naive. Maybe I don't get it. Maybe I am mistaken.
Everything has just been made worse. What was I thinking?
Do I mean to depress you? No.
Can people just listen? And why can't people fathom the idea that you just don't want to talk about it?
The trait of a good friend is that they can give you what you want when you ask for it. That they don't take it personally when you aren't your regular self. That they respect the fact that you have bad days. And that they don't make you feel worse for it.
Tell me what I am doing. Tell me how to make it better and I will do it. I promise I will.
Maybe I just need someone to set me straight.
Don't get me wrong, I know there is no point in dwelling on this. I know that there is no point being sucked into this black abyss and yet, is hard to resist.

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