The Horse Whisperer

No I don't talk to horses.
But my voice is all horse and all I can do is whisper.
I sound like a cross between Tom Waits, Jennifer Tilly and a 13 year old boy going through puberty.
Yesterday when we were in the car driving home Leps told me that she likes my new voice because it's like she has a new friend.
It's kind of nice to have a raspy sexy voice and not having to smoke seventy packs of ciggarettes a day to get it.
What isn't nice?
Coughing, blowing my nose and thinking 'is that supposed to be that color'.
I'm thinking avout starting my own phone sex line. Call it Tit For Tat and people will get turned on by phlemgh heaven. Maybe not.
This morning when I tried to talk for the first time nothing came out.
For a moment I was like what if I could never talk again what would my last words have been.
I think it would have been..."Leave me alone"...really words to make history by.
So if you want to get some jolly's give me a call at 888-TalkBad.

Two AM Greeting

For some reason, unbeknownst to me, my body and mind want to get up at 2 in the morning.

Without fail, the last three nights in a row, I have awoken at 2AM.

I contemplate getting out of bed and making good use of my time, but I don't. If I didn't have to work I would. I would get up and write or read or play Gears of War, but I have to work. So I lay in bed and lay in bed and lay in bed and hope that sleep will once again grace me with its presence.

Sigh.

Wedding Dress and Being A Bride

If you have ever been engaged or in the process of planning a wedding you know that there is always ex brides who feel the need to give you advice. For example they always say 'it's the hardest thing' and 'don't compromise what you want'. Here is the thing about wedding's and wedding planning. You can't go in with this attitude because isn't compromising what marriage is about so shouldn't you ensure you compromise when planning your wedding.
You have to decide what you want and go from there.
I'm actually excited about my wedding. I want it to be fun and I think I am ensuring that it will be so.
We have booked the place, the catering and I have ordered my dress and we have taken care of the wine courtesy or a very very generous friend.
I told Jay he is in charge of the alcohol and if the day shows up and he hasn't bought any then so be it because I don't drink anyways.
Here are some notes you should take from me...
We went to two places to rent for our wedding, the second one was the one we picked.
We went to one caterer and that's the one we went with because it had a kick ass vegetarian menu.
I tried on one dress. The dress I fell in love with on the Internet and that is the dress I ordered.
So far this is a fairly easy expedition...I know it will get harder but you know what....so far...so good.
I'm a no muss, no fuss kinda gal and why should I change that for one stinkin' wedding?

Shorty Got Low...Sort Of

Hey Flow Rida,

What's up?

Just wanted to let you know that it isn't feasible for all shawtys to get low. It just so happens that when you are a lady of a certain girth, and unreasonable inner ear balance, getting all low up on the floor just isn't going to happen. Thanks to you there is a whole song that requires us shawtys to get low and when we don't everyone knows because we're the only ones left standing.

Here it is... If I do attempt to get low there are a few things that may happen (are you willing to take responsibility for them?)

1. I may fall over, once I get down a certain way my balance is compromised and splaying spread eagle on the floor is a huge possibility.

2. I might not be able to get back up and may require assistance, either by bar table or sturdy man's leg.

3. I may either show crack (which in all likelihood is pretty much certain) or my pants will split, this is because when you bend over to get low it puts tension on the material and hightens the chances of the world seeing my full bum montrosities.

I would like to request you change the lyrics to your song to make them able for everyone to participate in...here are some recommendations...

"Shawty had decent priced jeans, boots with fake fur

The whole club wasn't lookin at her.

She got dragged onto the flo, onto the flo

Next thing you know, Shawty attempted to get low low low"

It's just a suggestion.

The Biggest Suck Known To Man