It's Not Okay To Be Fat

You know what I am thinking about? How many people are trying to lose weight for their resolution.

A couple weeks ago a guy posted a comment about how it has become 'okay' to be fat. And how it is so not okay. I've heard enough fatist comments to understand they stem from ignorance and you can't change that sort of way of thinking. Not with a blog. Not with carefully crafted responses. Not even with a 'fuck you'.

But this is my place, space, home. And I am wondering where this guy came up with his information? Who ever said it was okay to be fat?

I have heard it out of zero mouths. That's a whole lot of no one.

Besides, who decides what fat is?

My boyfriend doesn't think I am fat, but I know a lot of other people do. My weight alone puts me in an overweight category, according to Dr. Googles (thanks for that, Dr. Googles, I thought we had something special). There are plenty of people who would be horrified if my thighs were their thighs. Or ass, for that matter. And men and women alike, all over the world, think I should dedicate more time and energy to upgrading this outer shell of mine.

But here's the thing. I like it - this shell. It's awesome, because it works. I mean, there are weird hairs and cellulite, stretch marks and jiggly bits, but it's mine. It functions. And it's kind of fabulous, if you squint and cock your head to the side.

For that I am grateful.

And is it not okay for me to be this size?

To some, yes. To others, no.

Fine, I am not obese, or gigantic, but I've been a lot heavier than this. I know how hard it is to lose ten pounds, twenty pounds, thirty pounds - actually, I lost fifty. Fifty pounds. It took a long time. A lot of work. And a complete mental overhaul. And even when I was 210 pounds, or 190, or 175, didn't I have the right to be okay?

Isn't it exhausting thinking you can lose fifty pounds and still be considered overweight?

That's the world we live in. If it isn't one thing, it's another.

So, no it isn't okay to be fat.

And, hey, even when you drop the weight, or half the weight, or get to your goal, it still won't be okay. Because we live in this incredibly messed up world where how you look will never be okay. Not to them. The masses. Society. Beauty magazines and peddlers of face cream and lip liner. They don't want you to be okay. Because if you're okay, you aren't buying into the diet fads and multi-billion dollar fashion/make up industry.

The truth is, I want you to be okay. Happy. Content. No matter what your weight is.

The facts are:

Every single woman (and a lot of men) in my life has made a comment about wanting to lose weight.

My friends, which there are a surprising ten, are not happy with the way they look in a bathing suit.

My Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Tumblr feeds all had people talking about how they are going to get in shape, drop the weight, stop eating poorly, exercise more.

No one seems okay with their weight.

You can't argue with that. It isn't okay to be fat. Not for any of the people I know - it isn't what people want for themselves. Except that one women whose goal was to weigh a ton.

It's why they count calories, feel guilty about eating a box of cookies for dinner on a Saturday night, skip meals, jiggle their bellies in disgust when they look in the mirror, obsess over how little exercise they get, and get sucked into crazy things like Isogenics, where they limit themselves to four hundred calories a day. They feel uncomfortable in their clothes, and out of them.

But isn't that the goal?

Discomfort means someone in the marketing world is doing something right.

I guess the 'why is it okay to be fat' comment irritated me because I know how un-okay it is. I don't consider anyone I know to be fat, or myself for that matter. That's the honest truth. But I know society does. I know how hard it is to lose weight. I know how frustrating it is. How sometimes it feels impossible to drop the bullshit, to let go of what's holding you back, and take the first step. Celebrating who you are is important, if you are skinny, average, chubby, obese. Just look inside and see the person you want to be. Strive to be them.

I know how damaging words can be, even stupid Facebook status updates that aren't 'directed towards you' but that hurt. Words cut deep. Because they are the greatest weapon ever used. And this thing called life? It's defeating. It's not easy. Some days, it's down right inconceivable to be okay. Sometimes just getting out of bed is a chore. And I get it. Digging yourself out of a slump requires tenacity, which is another word for energy, and that stuff doesn't come cheap. Change isn't a walk in the park on a sunny day. Change is a swim in the ocean during the most tempestuous storm Mother Nature ever conjured up and your companions are ravenous sharks. Oh, you have a cut on your knee too.

I know. I get it. I see how we are raised to dislike ourselves. To think there is always room for improvement. And how much money marketing and advertising companies make. They wouldn't make those kind of bones if it didn't work. Not to mention the chemicals in food, how they effect our bodies and brains. How over-processed what we eat and drink is. Also, how by the time we have the knowledge to make an informed decision, the damage has usually been done. High glucose corn syrup, I'm looking at you.  Did you know there are addictive chemicals in food? It's why you have cravings, and it exists.

In the end, there are a lot of things working against us. Because the FDA and big business love to cut corners, we kind of got screwed. But why do we continue to allow ourselves to be screwed? It's time to take responsibility, inform ourselves, and say no. I see a hell of a lot of people doing that, working towards just being okay.

And I think it SHOULD be okay for everyone to be okay. No matter what their weight is. There has been a huge 'love yourself' movement in the past decade with companies focusing on advertising with 'real' women. Laws to cut down on photo shopping. Fashion companies being forced to use models in all sizes. How is this bad? Why is it wrong for people to be happy with who they are? Accept who they are? Love who they are?

It is okay to be fat. Because I say so. 

Just like it is okay to be Christian, Asian, skinny, freckle-faced, tattooed and hairy.

I believe everyone has the right to just be. And maybe that's another thing I am grateful for. Being open-minded and compassionate enough to understand.

Besides, you're beautiful. Don't you know?

Daddy-O

Because I am trying to be proactive about this posting every day business, I planned today's out. 

But then I had a terrible dream last night. Really, just horrible. Details aren't necessary, but it was about my dad, so I am changing today's grateful thing. 

I'm choosing today to be grateful for my dad. 

The weird, wonderful, wise-ass that I most certainly take after. 

Apple and tree whatnot. 

Alright, to be fair, Herman was Marilyn's Uncle, but he did play a father role. And also, I'm not as plain looking as Marilyn. If you watch the Munsters, you will get that last little joke. 

A New Beginning

There is nothing more invigorating than a blank page. A fresh start. This new beginning.

And I'm not just talking about starting a new book, even though that really is one of the best feelings in the world. Until you reach about ten thousand words and realize you have no idea where the thing is heading.

It's a new year. People will be making resolutions. Trust me, my Facebook feed is already overwhelmed with how many people will be changing this year.

I will no longer be calling this resolutions. Let's just say what they really are. Tasks. Jobs. Chores. Because people don't like doing them. In fact, if I may be so bold, it seems people hate doing them.

It's always the same three things, too. Eat healthier, quit smoking and exercise. These are the most important changes people can think of at this time of year. While it is all fine and dandy that you want to be the best you that you can be, I think things need to start on the inside. With the heart. No, I am not talking about cholesterol. I am talking about love.

Just be nicer. Sweeter. Kinder. Lovelier.

And maybe patienter. (I totally didn't think that was a word!)

I guarantee if you drop the negativity and woe is me attitude, if you leave behind the regrets, what-ifs, and blame placing, you will notice a difference in all facets of your life. Inside and outside. And it will make the world a better place. Just put the drink down and do a good deed, big or small, it doesn't matter. Goodness begets goodness.

I'm not saying your non-smoking, skinnier self won't make Earth more enjoyable, and perhaps lengthen your life, I'm just saying you should mind your manners and stop moaning about how horrible your life is, especially on Facebook. I get tired of hiding your whiny status updates.

Really, in the grand scheme of things, how bland your meal at the Swiss Chalet was means very little to me. To put it bluntly, it registers a big fat zero on the what's note worthy scale. And we also don't need weather updates. One, a lot of us probably don't live near you and, if we do, we know what the weather is already like. Complaining about it won't change it. Last time I checked, Mother Nature wasn't on your Facebook. And if she was, she'd just laugh at you.

Oh, and you don't need fireworks and a noise maker to make this happen.

Every day is a blank page. A fresh start. The new beginning you've been so desperately craving.

Now, onto more important things. Remember how, two posts ago, I said I was entertaining the idea of taking note of one thing I am grateful for each and every day of this year. Well, it's a green light on that one. So, let's kick this thing off in true Tyson fashion with my dog. Oliver.

Yeah, that's right. I am grateful for this guy:

He's a jerk some of the time, but for the most part he's a lovely little guy with a face I just can't get over. My Instagram is riddled with pictures of him. He makes my life a lot happier. And every time I wake up next to him, the day starts on the right foot.

So there, day one, done. 364 more to go.

This may have been a mistake.

What's Your Damage?

Collectives never used to be my thing. They came down to being a big fat headache riddled with whiners and excuse makers.

I don't want to know why you couldn't make a deadline. How life inexplicably fell apart for you. Or that your muse packed up and left you the day before you started your story.

None of that's for me.

But apparently, with the right crew and captain, the boat called Collective can actually win.

I am winning at collectives now.

As some of you may know, I wrote a long short story, almost a novella, for a little know book called Cars & Girls for a writerly group called Pankhearst.

Well, now the second installment by this fantastic mob is out.

It's called Heathers.

And it is authentically young adulty. Meaning, it is rough, gritty, and true. The emotions behind it. The subject matter.

It comes with a warning, but don't let that sway you.

Square your shoulders, take a deep breath and click this link.

Then buy the book.

You won't be disappointed. My story is last because . . . well, it's good to finish with a bang, right?

An Idea

It feels as though I haven't been here in forever. 

And when I say forever, I think of that part in Sandlot. You know, this part: 

Now that I am here, I want to talk to you about an idea I am entertaining. Not for a new book or a diabolical scheme to take over the world. I try not to share those sorts of things here, just in case I hit on something good and someone stumbles across this here page and snakes it right out from under me. So, I do have some secrets, including a well-crafted diabolical scheme to take over the world. 

Anyhow, the idea I have is for the New Year. (Does anyone else feel a little ill over the fact it is 2014? Where the hell is my hover board?) 

I digress. 

My idea is to post one thing I am grateful for each day. Where? Right here on my blog. Because, well, this is basically like my diary anyhow. Can I do this? Will I want to do this once January rolls around? Is it a good idea? These are things I am thinking. Except, it's kind of intriguing me. You see, it won't have to be major things. I can post a sentence or a massive post to explain. (This will be dependent on my mood, of course.) Basically, I will be posting things I appreciate and that make my life a little better - for example, running water. Or just little things I am grateful for like oatmeal raisin cookies and gingerbread tea. 

Yes, I am having a cookie and tea as I write this. What kind you ask? See above. 

That being said, I think the idea has some validity. Not necessarily for the adoring public who tune in here every single day just to see what I am up to. (Those poor saps have been waiting patiently for nearly a month for me to post again. Good thing there are exactly zero of them in existence). 

Sometimes, I get on kicks like this. Tasks to stick to in order to see how much self control I have. If I can actually do it or not. Kind of like my own personal test. Like posting every day in October or doing the 30 Day Shred, or going a month without sugar. Really, this would be the biggest thing I've committed myself to. 365 posts. That's a lot of posts. Every single day. 

Unless we take into consideration the whole vegan thing. Then that's the longest, going strong at thirteen years. Or not drinking and smoking and doing drugs. That's been going strong since birth, I think. Unless I was a toddler with a bad habit, which would explain the lack of pictures from my childhood. 

There is an upside to personal goals, long term and short - the repercussion factor if one doesn't succeed. Nothing too strict, of course, just a little self flagellation - the same kind Agent Von Alden from Boardwalk Empire participates in. Nothing like a whip across the back. Errr, maybe not. 

Still, I'm mulling over this. It's good to be grateful. And why not share with the masses? Who knows, maybe this might turn into something grand.  

Or maybe I will forget all about it after sleepy-time tonight.