Monday, April 15, 2013


One might think to themselves, what a strange blog title. A number. Six thousand seven hundred and thirty-four. 

What could this possibly mean? asks my adorning fan. 

Is this a code? Does it need to be broken? Surely there must be some deep meaning within this number to unlock the untold wonders of the world and deliver unto the masses the truth of life and why we are all here. 

Alas, it isn't so grand. This number will not change your life. It won't make you richer, prettier or more intelligent. No one will write a book or movie about this number. Actually, with all this hype, it's kind of boring what this number is. Unfortunately, I've already come this far, so I kind of have to continue. 

This is the number of reads I've had on my most popular post on this here blog. 

Crazy, right? 

And you won't even guess what the subject matter is of my most popular posting either. 

The Exorcist. 

No, really. I'm not pulling your leg or making a joke. It truly is. 

This strikes me as hilarious. I mean, I have poured my heart and soul into some of the articles here. I've talked about love, my insecurities, detailed my journey through the jungle of life, and still, the most popular post on my blog is about exorcisms.  

This is a lesson learned, my fair writers, bloggers and creative creatures. If all you want is hits and numbers and stats, just post about the Exorcist. The mob will come flocking. Still, I find myself sitting up at night pondering this fascinating factoid. What is it about The Exorcist that people feel compelled to Google fifty times a day? 

Let's break this down and get all up in the numbers and stuff. I posted E Is For Exorcism  on October 6th. It is now April 15. This is about six months. If we do the math, which I've always hated doing, this breaks down to around 1122 hits a month. Given there is about thirty days in a month, this works out to being 37 hits a day. All for exorcisms and the wonderment of demons invading bodies!  

It leads me to believe there are a lot more possessions taking place on a daily basis than any of us could ever imagine. This is both frightening and fabulous. See, it's terrifying because none of us want to see anyone's head spin around or have them impale their naughty bits on a cross, a la Regan in The Exorcist  The sheer thought of a demon sneaking into your body and holding court is more than a little unnerving. But isn't it fabulous to know you live in a world where these are the things people are concerning themselves with. 

Even more interesting, a lot of these hits are coming from Singapore and the Philippines. Which only confirms that I most likely won't be planning a vacation to these destinations any time soon. Well, not without a bucket of holy water and a silver cross. 

Okay, so I just took the time to do the actual math. It's been 192 days since I hit the publish button for this, which works out to 35 hits a day. Of course, for all I know there was a group possession on a holiday weekend and three thousand of the original six thousand seven hundred and thirty-four were accumulated then. It worries me that people were in search of help to expel the demon from their loved ones and instead of finding do-it-yourself step-by-step possession instructions they found my cheeky blog instead.

This informative post has been brought to you by my over-thinking and general absurdness. 

A Little Yoga Never Hurt Anyone

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