Thursday, October 4, 2012

C Is For Candy Corn

All morning the only thing in my head was 'cats'. And I didn't want to do a post about cats. Not because I dislike them. No, I love them. They are wonderful creatures. I even had one. Yes, had. As in past tense. Because of a rather crappy incident, Etnie can't live with me right now. This is probably why I don't want to discuss cats.

And yet, here I am. Talking about cats.

Instead, let's talk about the worst candy ever invented. Candy Corn.

As a vegetable, corn is probably my most favourite. I love it in all forms, except creamed. I really don't enjoy eating things that resemble baby barf, which is what I think creamed corn looks like. That said, candy corn was made by the devil and the devil's name is George Renninger, who invented this hideous confectionery in the 1800s. The ingredients are sugar and wax. All right, fine, there are other things in it, but that's what it tastes like: sweet wax. Have you ever chewed on wax? It's disgusting.

This Autumnal treat has always been a staple for Halloween, though I've never actually witnessed anyone eating it. I remember getting handfuls of it tossed into my pillowcase and promptly throwing it out when I got home, along with the lose peanuts some families handed out. To this day I don't understand why people thought it acceptable to hand out loose candy. Once, I got unwrapped Scotch Mints. Talk about lazy.

Now, this confection is hugely popular in Canada and the United States. Overseas people will have to let me know whether they have this over the pond or not. If not, thank your lucky stars. The funny part about this? I can't even eat it. It certainly isn't a Vegan treat, as one of the ingredients is egg whites, but the appalling nature of this candy has stuck with me. For over twelve years. I think that speaks volumes.

So, why was it named Candy Corn? Well, the colouring on these bitty bites, the beautiful yellow, orange and white stripes, was selected to mimic a  kernel of corn. Oh, and it contains a very unhealthy dose of corn syrup. Though this colourful candy tastes like awful, it was actually kind of interesting to read about and investigate.

The fact that something this terrible tasting is still around and  that it's recipe hasn't changed all that much in the last two hundred years dumbfounds me. And people keep buying it! It's pretty much a miracle. They keep creating different kinds too. Trust me when I say they don't taste any better either. A popular variation that appears in stores around Thanksgiving is called Indian Corn and it has a special chocolate brown end that replaces the original yellow one. Even more exciting, they have additional colour variations for other seasonal holidays. The Christmas kind, which some people call Reindeer Corn, is red and green. Valentine's Day produces one called Cupid Corn, which is red and pink. Then there is Easter, which was dubbed Bunny Corn, and is only a two colour candy that comes in a range of pastels with white tips.

As the years go by, and Candy Corn sticks around, I get to thinking, about how some things never change. Except, some things do. Like Oreos. You might be wondering how Oreos ties in with this ranty post about Halloween's most treasured, and least eaten, treat. Well, I'm going to tell you. The Candy Corn craze doesn't end with a hundred different types for any and all occasions. Recently, I saw an article about Candy Corn flavoured Oreos. No, I am not making that up. When I read about it, I actually laughed out loud. Wax flavoured Oreos. Yum. How adventurous. I shudder even typing this.

Maybe it is time for me to redirect my passion elsewhere.

See you tomorrow for la lettre 'D'.

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