Monday, May 3, 2010

Divorce Party

My friend recently got divorced. I won't state her name because I want to maintain Leppy's privacy. (oops) Regardless, it's been one of those things that you witness and think, "Shit, I never want to do this." Cross that off the old bucket-list. It is time consuming, confusing and costs a lot of money. Not to mention it is emotionally draining. Ending a relationship is hard enough let alone when it spans over a year. It's like beating a dead horse that only gets more and more rotten.

Apparently, and this just came to my attention recently, there's a new thing called a 'divorce party'. People who separate throw a party to celebrate the end of a marriage. While investigating online there is often cake, presents and invitations.

My initial reaction: What the fuck?
My secondary reaction: You've got to be kidding?
And last, but not least: What a fucking joke!

First and foremost, don't get me wrong, I understand there are a lot of marriages out there where the end needs to be celebrated. Especially if they are abusive and one person is gaining mad freedom. And to be honest, it wouldn't have shocked me if Leppy decided to have a divorce party.

She didn't. When asked, she said, "No, I wouldn't want it getting back to DingleHopper*. It might hurt his feelings." What a fucking charming girl, huh? Considerate, loyal to the end, pleasant and unwilling to hurt. Makes me sick, really. Considering he was the one who threw himself a divorce party. This is completely ridiculous. First off, it is the wrong half of the couple having a party.

What is he celebrating? That his top-notch wife left him after three months of being married because she wasn't happy? Is he celebrating the fact that he wasted a shit-load of money on a wedding that lasted less than a year? Or is it the fact that he can now check the divorced box when he cruises PlentyOfFish?

I chalk his decision to have a Divorce Party up to him not thinking. Or him copying his current girlfriend. Or him thinking he is funny when he isn't. But more so, not thinking. Was she really *so* horrible that he needed to woohoo it up? No. And he knows that. Still, he makes a big to-do about it, when in reality, he's getting divorced and he's barely thirty. It might be cool for Hollywood, but it isn't cool for regular people. Is being divorced something to be proud about? Certainly, it isn't party worthy.

I would never have a divorce party, for one very simple reason. It demeans the whole relationship. These two were together for five years. And throwing a party in the wake of its demise is a slap in the face, not only to the other person, but to yourself and the time/energy/money/love that you invested in it. I find it crass. Oh, and not to mention, it's embarrassing. Yeah, hi mom, dad, friends and family, things didn't work out. And no, you don't get your money and gifts back, but I am going to have a party to celebrate?

There is something wrong with that logic.

Thus in conclusion, Divorce Parties are fucking stupid. Being divorced is not something to flaunt. Do you really want to flaunt the fact that you failed at being married? It's like throwing an 'I gained fifty pounds' party, or an 'I lost my job party'. Flaunting failures isn't in my M.O. But, clearly, it is in other people's. Invite me to your divorce party and expect a gift, a slap upside the head. What happened to privacy? What happened to respect for the other person? What happened to respect for yourself and the decisions you made?

Enjoy your failure. Have some 'you failed' cake and wash it down with an 'aborted marriage' beer. How does that taste? Like ever so delicious inadequacy. Let's throw a fucking party, invite our friends, so we can all celebrate together. What a joke.

*Name has been changed to protect the ex-husband's identity.


Selestiele said...

I agree with most of what you said, but I have to admit I threw a party when I got kicked out of my graduate program after $100k and 4 years. But mostly because I was free of a crappy program that I spent a lot of money on and the decision to quit was taken from me (and thus I didn't have to deal with negativity from my family over the mountain of debt and "quitting" without being able to pay back said debt). So some failures can be celebration-worthy. *wink*

C-Stene said...

I don't cry everyday at work anymore.

I guess that all the celebration I need.