Wrong Way

Once upon a time, less than a week ago, I had this line bunny on my wrist. You can see it below, peeking out at the bottom of the picture. Feel free to marvel over the sheer size of that apple while you're at it.

This bunny I used to love so much has now been covered up. Gone. Finished. I said my sorrowful goodbyes. You might be wondering, why I got it covered with the bigger more badass bunny and the answer is simple.

It was the wrong way.

Many, many moons ago, when I first got this tattoo, no one told me how sleeves were built. My artist didn't sit me down and explain what upside-down meant. Or would mean later on in life. Okay, I am not a complete idiot, I know what upside-down is, but I didn't understand how it could be applicable to a silly line drawing on my wrist. Then the Sidekick came along. It took all of two minutes for me to understand why my wrist tattoos were upside-down and needed to be covered. And I have spent nearly two years brooding over this. For my obsessive compulsive brain, these 180 degrees have been most annoying, not only because I now understand why it should be facing the other direction, but because no one ever told me! Not the first artist who did the bunny. Or the second one who did my cat.

Bullshit.

All it took from my Sidekick was one simple question, when are you going to stop? Let's say you went and paid for a tattoo artist to put the word 'love' on your wrist and you insist is has to be facing you. Maybe you even have a good reason, like it's 'just for you' and you 'don't care if other people won't be able to read it', or because you 'want to see/read it'. Well, are you going to stop with that one tattoo? What if you want a feather under the first one? Will that be upside-down too? And the next? Are you going to have a bunch of upside-down tattoos all the way up your arm? Won't that look ridiculous? Eventually you are going to want to turn it around, but when? Halfway up your forearm? At your elbow? The armpit? Sure, you might be sitting there thinking 'but I only want the one tattoo' and sleeves aren't for you.

Well, take it from me. Don't risk it. Because one day, you might want a super cool sleeve and have a stupid tree facing the wrong direction on your forearm. Save you tattoo artist the pain of trying to explain to you why it's wrong. Go ahead and sit there and tell me it isn't 'wrong', that this is all just a matter of preference, but before you do, answer me this one simple question. When you look at someone who has a sleeve, what way are their tattoos facing? The right way. So, that makes any other way, the WRONG way.

With my Sidekick's simple knowledge, I saw the light. Unfortunately, it was way too late. So, I needed a cover-up. Let's just hope you won't need one too. Maybe I can save you the annoyance of having to look at an upside-down tattoo and kicking yourself because you're kind of a dummy. Trust me, you'll still be able to see/read it, even if it is pointing away from you. Besides, you already know what it says and looks like, right?

I mean, if you got it on your back you'd never see it anyhow.

Tattoos Still Hurt

I've decided to dedicate the week to talking about tattoos. Why? Because this is my blog and I can do whatever I want. Sounds kind of childish, but it's the truth. 

Today, I am going to talk about why tattoos still hurt. Because it's the day after and when I woke up my arm was terribly swollen and tender. This is about thirteen hours after I got my lazy ass out of bed, and it's still fairly swollen. This is expected. After all, I had a bunch of needles jabbed into my arm. 

Now, washing a tattoo the morning after doesn't tickle. The best way to describe the sensation is burning. If you have ever had to wash out an open wound, then you know the feeling. Except instead of just rinsing it out, you are scrubbing it with soap and water to get all the blood, plasma and Vaseline off. Even the water hitting it can be excruciating. This is why tattoos still hurt. And they will continue to hurt for at least a week. Whenever you bump it or brush it, or roll over onto it when you're sleeping, it's going to twinge, throb, ache and pulse. 

Yeah, I'm starting to wonder why I did this to myself. 

Here's the thing about healing a tattoo - most artists have their own aftercare instructions. As long as you aren't getting your body art done in prison or in some scratchers basement, then you have probably been given a piece of paper with steps on how to best heal your new piece of art. For the most part, the instructions cover the same bases: 

• No swimming
• No sun
• Don't let it rub on anything (like clothing, or your desk at work)
• Never scratch or pick at your tattoo

Other than these steadfast rules, aftercare instructions can vary immensely. This seems weird, right? Like why can't all tattoo artists decide on one steadfast set of healing instructions for us clueless folk to follow? I can't answer this. I even asked the Sidekick and he didn't have a good reasons either. He basically said something about everyone being different. Yes, yes, you're all unique flowers, but how are we supposed to know what's best for our tattoo? I actually headed over to Dr. Google's house and asked him all about tattoo aftercare. You wouldn't believe the crap the intersnacks spat out. I am seriously worried people might actually be taking some of these yahoos at their word. 

One website said to put baby powder on your tattoo to prevent it from sticking to your bed sheets at night. Why is your tattoo weeping so bad you're sticking to your bed sheets? This is a sign the bandage should have been kept on longer. Using Neosporin on it? Why would you need an infection fighting ointment? The key is to heal your tattoo so damn well an infection doesn't happen, then you'd never need a product like this. Putting rubbing alcohol or Listerine on your tattoo to stop it from itching? Um, yeah, anything with alcohol will only dry it out more and make it that much itchier. 

So, there is a lot of bad information on the internet. Surprise, surprise. If you are confused about your healing instructions, then you should contact your artist. I did. I rolled over and said, "Honey, should I put lotion on this thing now?" Okay, I have an advantage. 

But seriously, though, I hope you do your research and pick a good artist. One who wears gloves. One who doesn't eat a sandwich while tattooing. Someone who doesn't have his cat's litter box in the same room as his machines. An artist who doesn't call his tattoo machine a gun. An establishment that doesn't have a ridiculous spin on their name - like the Mad Tatter or Rat-a-tat-tats. An artist that doesn't refer to himself as an ink-slinger. 

My one piece of advice to you apart for choosing a good artist? Keep it clean. That means no touchy-touchy with those germy little digits you pick your nose with. Pretty simple, right? Well, that's me. A simple girl with a swollen arm.  

Tattoos Hurt - FYI

For some reason, whenever you get a tattoo, people feel the need to ask if it hurts. Just so everyone is on the same page about this form of art. Yes, tattoos hurt. Quite a bit, in fact. It isn't always the same pain all the way through, though. It's varying degrees of ouch. Oh, and some areas hurt more than others.

Pain is a tricky creature.

In the tattooing world, it is known that the top of the foot and the neck hurt the most. Since I have both of my feet done, I will have to get a neck tattoo to tell you which one hurts more. Right now, though, I have to say the wrist hurts more, especially if you are doing more than a stupid line drawing.

Today, my Sidekick tattooed a beautiful cover-up on me. It took about three hours and thirty-seven of those minutes were this needling, burning, terrible pain I was certain I wasn't going to live through. I tried to not whine or writhe, but there were these tender spots I seriously regretted having done. Most of the other minutes were uncomfortable, but bearable. And about twenty-four of those minutes I was in very little pain. Regardless, the whole time there was hurting going on. 

Some people deal with pain better than others. Some people love pain. Thrive off it. Enjoy it. I am not one of those creature. That being said, I have a fairly high threshold for pain and just because I sat for three hours, doesn't mean someone else can. To be honest, I mostly did it to prove my Sidekick wrong. And also, I like finishing what is started on the spot, so there is no need to go back to it in the future. 

While I am sad to say goodbye to my adorable line bunny, I am happy to say hello to my new, bigger, more badass bunny. And also, I love my cabbage. So, I am very happy. Now I have come down from my adrenaline high and need to go to bed. Goodnight.