Last night as I was soaking in the tub after a stint at the gym, I found myself reading Noelle Pierce's latest blog post entitled: Pssst. I Hear He Likes You. It was a short little piece. A blip. Not even two hundred words, but something about it got me thinking. Like really thinking (not fake thinking) which was odd because I enjoy spending my time void of any thoughts. (That's a joke. I appreciate thinking just as much as the next person.)
The main idea of her blog was that we like those who like us. If someone leans over and tells us so-and-so has a little thing for us, we end up looking at them in a different light. We keep the company of the people who compliment us, think highly of us, yadda yadda.
Now, while I, like everyone else, enjoy it when people appreciate me, whether that's physically, mentally or emotionally, these are not the people I always appreciate back. That's in real life and in the virtual world. Of course, the reverse exists as well. There have been several people I've fancied, thought highly of, complimented, who didn't feel the same way about me. And, rather sadly, there have been people who I've simply adored and when they actually noticed me I ended up realizing I didn't like them at all. Then there was the awkward moment when they started showering me with compliments and I ended up wishing I never showed interest at all.
Of course, there are also the people who like me. Who compliment me. Who seem to be drawn to me. And I don't want to engage with them in the least. This isn't because I've had bad experiences (though I have). No, it's because attraction isn't always mutual. Just because someone likes the cut of my jib doesn't mean I'm going to like the cut of theirs. Actually, chances are high, I'm not going to like them at all. Don't get me wrong. I try to give the person the benefit of the doubt and, from time-to-time, I engage in conversation with them, but very few 'friendships' or 'relationships' spring from these encounters. (Truth!)
The truth is, what makes a person attractive to me as a friend or lover extends beyond whether they like me in return. (Lover makes me laugh. Not saying I wouldn't like a lover. But I feel like I should have a silk robe on and be holding a martini as I say it. Okay, I sort of imagine myself as a cougar while using the word 'lover'. Or that episode of Sex and the City when Carrie tells her friends she's taking a lover and she keeps saying it funny. Like lov-ah. I digress.)
What Noelle's blog got me thinking about was what is it that draws me to a person. I'll even use her as an example. I love Noelle. I think she's fun, funky, sexy, sweet, talented. Both mentally and physically, I find her attractive. She's my friend. She's actually more than that, but there's no word to really describe it. She's my confidant, friend and sister.
She's my confrister.
See what I did there? I combined the words to create one EPIC word that shall rock this earth for ages to come. Or die once a few people take a perusal of this blog. Whatever.
Out of all the people I engaged with and bantered with, Noelle stuck. Over time, we cultivated a friendship, but there was something that initially interested me about her. And it wasn't because she left a glowing comment on my book and stroked my ego. It really wasn't. To be honest, I think it was her sense of humour. She got my brand of funny. That's important. If people don't get my brand of funny I come off as an asshat. And yes, it happens all the time. I'm always mistaken as a complete *insert bad word here*.
Anyways, you see it all the time. In the real world and the virtual arena, people gravitate towards each other. People pair off, both as couples and as friends. Like Bert and Ernie and Casey and Finnegan, some individuals just click. It has nothing to do with compliments and mutual appreciation. Those things come after the initial attraction.The initial spark. And when that spark goes off, it's hard to ignore.
The biggest spark I've had to date with someone is a person who will remain nameless for privacy sake. And because I don't think he even knows I write a blog. What a surprise it would be if he stumbled upon it! Regardless, before I knew what he looked like, before I even knew his name, I was drawn to him. Like completely and utterly drawn to him. Words can't even explain it. It was almost as though my soul (heart? body? mind? being?) knew I was supposed to get to know this guy. Before he ever paid me a compliment. Before he ever let know his admiration. And before I let him know mine. I was attracted to him.There was a spark. Honestly, we were playing in the same massive playground and for some reason kept finding ourselves in the same corner of the sandbox. It didn't make any sense. Instances like this make me contemplate the likelihood of fate actually existing.
For the record, and I am setting this away from the previous paragraph for emphasis, I do not believe in destiny, fate or any of that other mumbo-jumbo. But there are things in life that make me wonder. I suppose wondering it good. At least it keeps the brain active.
I do have a point (if you were wondering) which is, the compliments and ego stroking don't really come into play until after the initial grounds have been set. Well, at least not in my world. Just because someone thinks I'm witty or pretty, doesn't mean I'm going to appreciate them. Perhaps it's because I'm a bit cynical. I have this whole idea that people often project onto me the person they want me to be, but I'll tackle that in another blog post. This one's getting a little long as it is and then someone will post in the comments about how I rambled off pointlessly for six paragraphs. Tough beans. It's my freakin' blog!
Where was I?
Oh, bother. Let's just wrap this up with me saying...
There is no better feeling in the world than finding out the person you're attracted to feels the same way in return. That trumps all other feelings. Except for love. To quote a friend, "Love knocks everything else out of the ballpark." Yeah, he used a cliche, but sometimes a cliche is needed.
Interesting enough, last night, after I read the blog post and was submerged in the cesspool of my thoughts, my sister ended up telling me someone I used to have a crush on now has one on me. It made me laugh, but there was still that little surge of "woohoo". I mean, ten years too late, buddy, but still, I did a fist pump and strutted around my house in my stretchy pants and tank top with a bit of a bounce in my step.
Attraction. It's rather inexplicable at times.