Based On A True Story - Day 30

No matter what, when I see the words 'based on a true story' at the beginning of a horror movie, my skin crawls a bit. As was the case with last night's Horrorfest pick.

Title: The Conjuring
Year: 2013
Synopsis: Paranormal investigators Ed and Lorraine Warren work to help a family terrorized by a dark presence in their farmhouse.

Tagline: Look what you made me do.

If the names Lorraine and Ed Warren ring bells to you, it's probably because you know the tale of the Amityville Horror. Another spooky movie based on actual events, how loosely, I can't be sure. These experienced paranormal demonologists have apparently investigated over ten thousand cases, that's a lot of scares. Furthermore, these people keep objects from their cases in a museum, in their house. This is not something I would encourage, then again, I'm saner than I first appear.

Unlike a lot of other people, I am not a huge fan of director James Wan. I thought Saw was okay, but relied on shock value to entertain, and Insidious was boring and cliched. Thankfully, I don't boycott movies based on director alone. Actually, I was quite looking forward to The Conjuring because out of the four main characters, I disliked none of the actors portraying them. Okay, you might roll your eyes at that, thinking it isn't a good enough reason to get excited over a film, but do you know how hard it is to find an awesome  ensemble cast where you don't hate any of the leads? Virtually impossible.

If you are a seasoned horror watcher, you've seen the tricks within before. Doors move on their own. People are animated without their control. Objects appear out of nowhere. Pictures fall off walls. And when you are looking over here at this cute little family, something is going to appear on the other side of the room. Or jump off a wardrobe. Oh, and anyone who has seen any exorcism in any form, either on YouTube or in a movie, then you have seen at least a piece of the Conjuring pie. That said, it is because these things work to scare that they are used over-and-over again. I will openly admit that I actually screamed out loud during one part. For serious. I was knee deep in the movie, riveted to the screen, unable to look away, and then the door moved and I let loose a scream any thirteen year old girl would be mortified by.

What I liked about this, is that it took two Warren cases and made them come together. I also enjoyed the gaggle of girls who are part of the Perron family brood. A lot of these horror movies are reliant on the acting skills of young children. A lot of the time, it misses, but all of the girls in this movie were good actresses, and I blame the girl who got pulled across her bed for roping me into the movie so far that I got vocal.

Here's the thing. If I bought a house and there is a boarded up cellar, which happens to be where the furnace is, you can bet your ass I would be asking, "Why is this cellar boarded up?" Sure, this family asks it, but they don't delve in and try to figure out why someone would cover it up. Granted, they didn't have a lot of time, their visitors come out to play pretty quickly. Which is just another thing to like. The lack of time wasting. I find in so many new horror movies they meander all over the place before getting to the good stuff, or they unload too much too soon. The Conjuring is right smack dab in the middle of that. It brings on the scares quickly, but it doesn't reveal too much.

By the time I was halfway through I'd already made up my mind. I liked it. And that lasted straight through to the end.

I would never keep this creepy doll anywhere near my home.

No Such Luck - Day 29

Last night, I was supposed to watch Poltergeist. I've never seen it before, you see, and I was looking forward to finally crossing it off my short list of classics I've yet to indulge in.

First, the MKV version I had wouldn't play on my xbox, then the MP4 file was corrupted. Well, a girl can take a hint. So, I didn't end up watching Poltergeist at all. Instead, I watched a truly terrifying flick called Sleepless In Seattle. I still have chills.

Okay, okay, comedy hour is over. This is what I really watched.

Title: Cabin In The Woods
Year: 2012
Synopsis: Five friends go for a break at a remote cabin in the woods, where they get more than they bargained for. Together, they must discover the truth behind the cabin in the woods.

Tagline: You think you know the story.
Thar be spoilers in this here review! Because I can't write a rave review about this without telling you just what I thought was amazing.

When I went to go see this movie in the theatre, I thought it was going to be another slasher teen flick. You know, the movie where the ridiculously good-looking main characters do a bunch of stupid shit and they all get killed in clichéd ways and you roll your eyes because it's all soooooo predictable.

I was wrong.

Granted, on the surface, it does look like that kind of movie. The overtly sexual blonde bimbo is dating the douche-face jock. Stoner guy is thrown in for comedic effect while you assume the virgin is going to be the only survivor in the movie. Actually, like so many horror movies, there is a gang of kids that kind of resemble Scooby-Doo. It makes me laugh how accurate that statement is.

Upfront, I can address why a lot of people didn't like this. There are two groups of people, the 'what the hell is going on crowd' who don't like it when a movie is one upping them and they can't figure out the plot. These people are the ones who will walk out before the movie is completed because it doesn't make any sense and it seems like a couple other horror flicks they've seen before. Basically, they have no patience and shouldn't be allowed in the door to a movie of this calibre.

The second crowd is the 'I've seen every horror movie known to man and I will never be happy with anything big Hollywood does'. These elitist horror snobs are the worst. They can't enjoy anything except for seventies Italian horror and Foreign films with knife wielding and a fair bit of pert nipplery. These folks are annoyed because this movie used ideas other movies that came before used. Apparently, they didn't get the memo that there are no original ideas and people borrow, modify and steal lines, characters, plot points all the time.

To be blunt, when I went to go see this, it'd been a long time since I saw a truly good horror movie. Cabin in the Woods is at once a parody of the horror genre and also a tribute. In a lot of ways, it is like a magic trick, a genius case of misdirection, but revealed to the audience.

First, they show you what you already expect to happen. The Scooby-Doo gang, all good-looking college students, going to an isolated cabin for a chance to kick back and relax. Because we have all seen this a hundred times before, we check our watches and think to ourselves, good another hour of blood and mayhem and I can get home and trash this on my blog. That's when the zombies make an appearance. Well, not just zombies. The zombie redneck family!

Second, they hit you with a sub-plot and start to explain things, a bit. This is where you have the 'wait, something else is going on here', thought. What are these tech guys talking about? What are they betting on? Wait, they know who the Scooby-Doo gang is? They've been watching them. Wow. So, this whole weekend getaway has been orchestrated? The dumb shit these seemingly stupid characters are doing has all been planned? Nothing is as it seems? It's all a giant set-up!!! At this point, our brains explode, but we are delighted because this is new. This is exciting. We didn't plan for this.

Or it's where you walk out of the theatre.

Last, they deliver the big reveal. The climax. Why this group of techie nerds is harbouring every monster known to man in the pits of this underground lab. What these kids have been sacrificed for. And how it all was able to be worked out. This is the part where a lot of people asked 'is this for real?" It is. It is so for real.

The most important reason for you to go and watch this movie is to see the epic monster battle scene. I can't even explain it. I will simply say, the unicorn made my day. And it doesn't end the way you think it does. In fact, nothing about this movie is what you think it is. If you don't like to laugh during horror movies, or if you have a serious case of the 'nothing-is-ever-good-enough-for-mes', then just pass on watching this, okay, fun killers!

 Honestly, the only disappointing part is the ending. Not the end itself, but the fact that there can't really be a sequel. And I would have loved to have seen a sequel for this one!

Wanna Play - Day 28

To the five people who are diligently reading these reviews, thank you, and congratulations. You have almost made it through. October is almost over. Let's go out with a bang and make these last couple of days count.

Title: Curse of Chucky
Year: 2013
Synopsis: After her mother's mysterious death, Nica begins to suspect that the talking, red-haired doll her visiting niece has been playing with may be the key to recent bloodshed and chaos.

Tagline: Foul mouth. Foul temper.

Sometimes movies are bad on purpose, like a lot of the 'b' rated campy slasher flicks from the eighties. That said, I'm not sure Curse of Chucky was supposed to be bad. I think they were actually trying to make a legitimate horror movie, but maybe they haven't seen the rest of the Child's Play franchise. These movies aren't supposed to try. There isn't supposed to be a twist ending. They are supposed to be bare bones, with funny dialogue, and the quirky doll stealing the scene.

Sadly, Chucky got his scene stolen from him by the emotional acting of Nica, played by Fiona Dourif. Yeah, emotional acting, since when is that supposed to happen in these movies.

Just so we are all clear, I love Chucky. He's a puny little guy who has some of the best lines of any of the horror baddies. Except in this installant his witty, bitter ways seem to have fallen to the wayside. He just paled in comparison to all the other movies, which makes me think this was just a lack lustre attempt to make a bit of money.

Here's the sad part, I have been waiting two decades for Andy to make a return. Finally, he does and it's just a bit cameo, which happened to be the best part of the film. Okay, that's a spoiler, but don't worry, I'm not ruining anything for you. I could tell you word-for-word what happened in this film and you'd still be lost when you watched it. Honestly, I have no idea what the writer, director and producer were all thinking when they decided on dual endings and a plot twist. Give me a break! It's like these guys were trying to apply big Hollywood tricks to their low budget film.

It failed miserably.

In the end, this movie makes no sense. The ending with Andy is negated by the fact Chucky is transferring his soul into Alice before the credits roll. And he is supposedly doing this soul transfer thing without the pendant, the tool they put so much emphasis on in the first three movies. Then there is the fact that Tiffany is still helping him. Oh, and Chucky doesn't bleed when he gets hurt. Since when?

And why is the doll all normal looking at the beginning of the film only to get scars and stitches later on?

Colour me confused.

Also, the murder scenes kind of suck. I mean, they aren't tense, scary or gory.

Even if you love Chucky, go ahead and pass on this. Needless to say, I think this franchise has finally be slashed to pieces and laid to rest.

Found Footage - Day 27

Remember when everyone was all about The Blair Witch Project?

Title: [Rec]
Year: 2007
Synopsis: A television reporter and cameraman follow emergency workers into a dark apartment building and are quickly locked inside with something terrifying.

Tagline: Experience Fear

Before 1999, there were only a handful of found footage horror movies, Cannibal Holocaust being the first I can remember and that was from 1980. Then Blair Witch was made and the world went crazy for these 'this could be happening to you' movies. You know, I don't actually remember seeing at all. I mean, I know I saw it, but it didn't leave any sort of impression and if someone sat me down and asked what it was about I'd shrug my shoulders and say, "Not sure. Some kids with a camera and snot coming out of a nose or two." Seriously.

Like it or not, Blair Witch popularized the mockumentary style genre. After came Cloverfield, Paranormal Activity, The Zombie Diaries, The Last Exorcism, and this foreign film [Rec]. That's right, it's a Spanish film with English subtitles, which means you're going to have to read. I know, I know. We all hate reading. Or, maybe we don't, but apparently that's what Hollywood thinks. They always remake amazing foreign movies and I can't think of any reason other than the fact they don't think people like to read. Remember that movie Let Me In? It was a remake of the Swedish horror movie Let The Right One In, which was amazing. So often these remakes don't do the originals any justice. Since I haven't seen the remake of [Rec], called Quarantine and stars Dexter's sister, I can't comment on it, but I'm going to hazard a guess that it pales in comparison.

I myself don't LOVE the found footage style of film making. It kind of makes me sick, all that running around and shaking camera nonsense. That said, this way of shooting really did add to the overall tone of the movie, instead of feeling gimmicky and humorous, it had an incredibly authentic air to it.

A journalist and camera operator are following these fireman around. They go on a call to investigate a scream, only to find an infected woman. Then the biting starts. Like most zombie movies, the plague travels fast, easily taking out the people who were healthy only a moment before. The plot line isn't actually anything original, we've seen it before, but the sense of urgency in the first person perspective certainly lends an engaging element to the overall film.

People raved about [Rec] when it first came out, calling it ground breaking, but in truth it is a simply mash-up of a few other movies. Nothing about this breaks boundaries or is in any way 'new' to the viewer. That doesn't mean I am trashing the movie for taking bits and pieces from other horror movies, such as Blair Witch and 28 Days Later. The truth is, I love Quentin Tarantino and he loves borrowing from the classics that came before. It's what he's known for. Sure, he's smarmy and has major attitude, but who didn't love Django?

To sum it up, [Rec] is good. Tense. Scary. And totally worth it for the last ten minutes. For a movie that had a very limited budget, was shot on a digital camera, and contained in one building, it was really well done. A quick view that any zombie lover will surely enjoy.

Funny Horror - Day 26

If a horror movie is funny, can it still be horror? Yes. In fact, a lot of horror movies have funny parts. I call these little quips, one liners and humorous moments breathers. Because it gives you a chance to take a breath, gather your thoughts and prepare yourself for the next big 'scare'.

Last night, I watched two 'funny' zombie flicks Dance of the Dead, it was better than I expected it to be, and Warm Bodies, which could almost be chalked up to a feel-good romantic comedy. So, maybe they weren't exactly horror, but we all need a break from slasher flicks and torture porn, or maybe that's just me.

Title: Warm Bodies
Year: 2013
Synopsis: After a highly unusual zombie saves a still-living girl from an attack, the two form a relationship that sets in motion events that might transform the entire lifeless world.

Tagline: There's nothing hotter than a girl with brains.

Boys the world over cringed at this movie. It's the romance. And the fact that it smelled like a chick-flick. Not to mention that cover? It practically screams high-school love-fest.

The truth is, there's a bit more going on than what you might naturally assume. It is because I read the book that I knew this wasn't going to be another Notebook or High School Musical. Granted, I will watch anything with Zac Efron and Ryan Gosling in it, so perhaps my opinions can't really be trusted. Whatever, just read the damn review. 

The number one reason this movie is watch-worthy is the main character is a zombie. It's from his perspective. His point of view. He's the narrator, for crying out loud! That's a big 'hell yes'. Yes, sure, the movie deviates away from the 'unfeeling, unthinking, uncaring' zombies we grew up with, but that's why it's rather brilliant. Not to mention he eats his love interest's boyfriend's brain, but not all at once. He takes some of it to go and, throughout the course of the movie, takes bites. There's a reason for this, which I will detail in a minute, but if you think about it from the angle of the girl, Julie, then you realize this is a very disturbing thing. Of course, she doesn't know, and maybe that's what makes it even more twisted. 

Up next, the second reason why you should watch this movie is why 'R', the zombie, decides to keep the boyfriend's brain and savour it. Not to devour it all at once. Brains to zombies are a glimpse at their humanity again. They experience the memories of the owners of the brains and, for a brief time, get to live again. I've never seen this twist in any zombie movies. While I certainly love the shuffling, groaning, non-thinking walkers we have know for decades now, I always enjoy an alternate way of looking at things. It shows imagination. 

Thinking outside the box and all that crap. 

Up next, plot. The movie has heart - if you've seen the movie then you understand what I did there. If not, oops. Normally, zombies aren't curable, but in this, love kind of saves the day. And that might seem hokey and clichéd, but sometimes clichés are clichés for a reason.  

Another point to make would be the humour. It really is fantastically written. The dialogue, the awkward moments, the uncertainty between the two main characters, and the inner monologue of R is witty and funny. Not to mention the development of the characters is believable. If you have great actors in far-fetched roles, then sometimes you can add a sense of believability to a 'this will never happen' plot. 

While there are other parts I loved about this film, including the score, special effects, bonies, best friend sub-plot and humanizing zombies, I feel the need to end this review with mentioning John Malkovich is in it. Have you ever disliked anything he's done? He plays Julie's militant, don't bend the rules, kill kill kill father, and he does a superb job.  

The bones of this plot aren't original. It's actually a parallel with Romeo and Juliet, R and Julie, but the flesh is what sets it apart from other similar movies. In the wake of Twilight, there are a lot of monsters falling in love with awkward girls. Unlike others, this one is actually quite charming. If Zombieland and Shaun of the Dead can be considered horror movies and be loved the world over by zombie enthusiast, why can't this one?