Wordy Wednesday - Dreary

We all have our off days. Days where we are grumpy and dragging ourselves through the motions of life. Sometimes we roll out of bed in a bleak and dismal mood and others it creeps in throughout the day until all we want to do is pull the covers over our head and wait for the next day. Have you ever found the peacefulness in disenchantment? Seen the soothing side of sadness? Fallen in love with the forlorn?

It's there, if you look. The glimmer in gloom. Today we celebrate words, but why not embrace emotions as well.

The Word: Dreary

Dull. Dark. And Dismal. The three 'D's.

I find comfort in the fog, in the ominous clouds rolling in to blanket the sky, and the unrelenting rain pounding down on us, trying so desperately to wash our sins away. When I think of the word dreary, it reminds me of Edgar Allan Poe and Edward Gorey, of Tim Burton and Lenore, of the dark and macabre.

Dreary is the smell of the forest after rainfall. The palette of greys throughout the month of October. Not wanting to get out of bed. Sighing wearily. Listening to Nick Cave and Tom Waits. Drinking tea. Reading H.P Lovecraft and Clive Barker. Watching Life Is Beautiful and American Beauty. Falling in love with dilapidated buildings. Walking barefoot in the mud. Not wearing a hood in the rain. Smiling at the sound of thunder. And letting the tears fall without worrying about what they mean.

Dreary is finding the beauty in the darkness.

It's Too Much For Me

The last couple weeks I've been growing increasingly disenchanted with the things I'm seeing in my social media feeds. If it isn't a post about how police officers are mistreating the very individuals they are sworn to protect, then it's an article detailing how easy it is for kids to get their hands on guns and kill each other. There is a never ending succession of stories to prove homophobia is thriving, that babies are dying, and politicians are lying. Hate crimes are being committed. The poor are being mistreated. And animals are suffering abuse at the hands of sociopaths.

There are so many bad things.

Today I read a story about how children at a daycare were accidentally given water with bleach in it to drink. An article proving that 'rape culture' is alive and well, if not thriving in this day and age. A horrifying account of the medical system in America and how much it cost one woman to give birth by C-section ($42,000). The disturbing tweets from a teacher who talks about killing her students and how much she hates them, talk about professionalism. How the ebola virus is moving faster than the capacity to manage it. That Paris Hilton bought a dog for thirteen thousand dollars (like really?). How a suicide bomber kills 16 in Somalia. The Syrian Civil War is raging. That Iraq is under siege (again? Or still?). About the Antarctic shelf collapsing. And how Nestle thinks water shouldn't be free.

There was more too. A lot more. So many horrible things happening. And everyone is sharing it. Yes, it's good to be informed and to understand the situation all of us are in.

But honestly, it's just too much for me.

I need a little kindness.

Lately, I've been sitting here wondering if there is anything nice out there. Can anyone remain positive in the face of so much disaster? If what Bill Hicks says is true and this is all a ride, it's the most terrifying one I've ever been on. No one is learning their lesson. The wheels are coming off the cart. There are definitely no safety belts. Who the hell is controlling this thing? It certainly isn't me. And that's what's scary. We aren't in control. No, not you. Nor I.

For the most part, we are good people. So why is there so much misery? How can this place feel like such a soul draining black hole? If we genuinely care about one another, then how is everything going to hell in a hand-basket? It hurts my head to think about. It hurts my heart to keep existing in such bleakness. And yet, we keep going. We plough our fields. Tend our flock. Try to eat healthy. Exercise. Pay the bills.

And in silence, we hope it will get better.  But we keep sharing the misery and grief. Can we at least have just one day where all we share with each other is love and kindness and good positive energy? Is that too much to ask? Probably.