Monday, February 20, 2012


What the heck is sexy? And where can I get some?

Alright, the first part was serious. The last part was my attempt at a joke.

Growing up, I always had a clear picture of what sexy was. And it certainly wasn't anything I could ever encapsulate. When I thought about sexy it conjured up images of smokey eyes, high heels, wild hair and lingerie. Even now, I think of long legs, smooth skin and naughty librarians. Not too sure why on the last one, it just pops into my head when I think about sexiness.  Probably because it's one of the ultimate male fantasies - right alongside innocent schoolgirl.

Here's what's weird, when I think of the word sexy, I think of women.

The reason for this is, women are supposed to be sexy. Isn't that so?
That's sexy, right? See, I am having troubles deciding now.

Ever since I was little, I grew up thinking I was supposed to be this hairless, skinny, rosy cheeked, perfectly quaffed, vixen with big boobs. Well, only one of those things is true - and it certainly isn't the hairless, skinny, rosy cheeked, perfectly quaffed vixen part. I even remember taking my sister's razor and shaving my entire body in order to get rid of the peach fuzz covering my skin.

At eight years old, why did I think any form of body hair was wrong?

Honestly, I don't know. It's too easy to blame the media. Isn't it? And yet, that's where I want to go. All of these images we are faced with make us think high heels, lingerie, push-up bras, tanned skin, make-up and flawless hair is the epitome of sexy. But these are things I'm never going to buy into.

The truth of the matter is, I will never be this:
 Mainly because my undies and bra never match. Also, because I don't fake tan or bleach my hair. Nor do I stand around in awkward poses. And I've never greased my skin up to look this shiny.

Here's the facts: I will never represent what socity thinks sexy is.

But then, I got to thinking. Do I think these things are sexy?

In truth, no.

Don't get me wrong, it works on some women. The women who exude femininity and softness. They ooze sex appeal and are comfortable slinking around in a shimmery dress and six inch heels. I am not one of those ladies. And, while there was a time when I wanted to be one of these women, I realize it simply isn't me. I don't have the time and/or patience to be one of these girls.

After I stopped thinking about myself, and how unsexy I truly am in my jeans, t-shirts and Converse sneakers, I started thinking about men. Nearly everyday on my Facebook, random pictures of half-clad men pop up in my feed. These are treats from other women. It's this whole eye-candy thing. To be fair, they post pictures of women too, but it's always the men that catch my eye because... Well, because I like men. Not saying I don't like to look at women, I do, but I'd rather ogle men. They say the female figure is more aesthetically pleasing. I actually disagree with this.

Regardless, they always end up posting pictures like this:
For the record, I don't find anything about this sexy. And it isn't just because I don't like blondes. (The truth is, I've always favoured dark hair on guys.) There's nothing about this that I find attractive. First, I'm positive this gentleman has frosted his hair. Second, what is he wearing? Third, I'm actually cringing at this because I think I have more body hair than him. Are his eyebrows plucked? They look plucked.

Here's the thing, I just don't get it. I know we all have it in us to appreciate a nice body, but sometimes when I look at models (men and women) I think, this isn't real. And it isn't real. It isn't natural. Not in my opinion. And then I got it. Then I realized what it is that I find truly sexy.

Natural. And a nice pair of arms. But mostly, someone who is natural. Men and women. Someone who simply exists and doesn't fuss and primp and worry about their looks. And it goes for everything. I enjoy a natural smell, look, and feel on people. For me, the idea of a man in jeans and a t-shirt out in the garden pulling weeds is far sexier than a greased up man riding a horse topless in chaps.

And you know what? True sexiness extends beyond the physical.

Oh, don't get me wrong. It helps to have a rockin' rack and legs that just won't quit, but they will only get you so far. Well, at least when it comes to me, it will only get you so far.

To me, sexy is reading. Being out in nature. Animal lovers. Compassion. Creativity. Respect. Intelligence. Common sense. Embracing emotions. A dose of cynicism. Having hope. And faith. Trust. A sense of romance. Desire.

It isn't a six pack or an ass you can bounce a quarter off of.

Sexy is walking through the grass barefoot. Taking long drives along the coast. Music nerdiness. Entertaining a possible future. Messy hair. A complete lack of worry and doubt and fear. Confidence without being big-headed. Lack of ego. Happiness. Lightness. Being realistic. And above everything humour. The ability to laugh at the world and yourself.

Sexy is knowing who you are and refusing to compromise it.

It's loving yourself. And those around you. Now that's hot. 


Jamie said...

Wow, raise the bar a little high there?
Perhaps the idea of sexy isn't as easy to define as a picture, and perhaps that is why society today works so hard to encapture it in so basic as a picture. Sexy is not what is showing on the outside so much as what is on the inside.
A book cover is what pulls the reader to that book on the self, but the words inside are what keeps the reader enraptured.
It is the same for beauty,or a sexy look, ultimately we are attracted to a certain look, but that woman or man, can become the opposite very quickly, the image shattered.

Tyson said...

What do you mean raise the bar a little high?

As indicated, the pictures don't represent what I think is sexy.

My ideas of sexy come from a more natural place. My bar isn't high at all. Well, at least I don't think it is.

For the most part, when I initially look at someone, I don't think they are sexy or not. It's usually until after we have spoken that I decide.

Jasmine Walt said...

I think that male model picture you posted looks RIDICULOUS. Is that a bow I see on his underwear? xD

Tyson said...

I admit. I chose the one that made me go 'wtf'.

But I don't find boys attractive. Men. I like men. :D And usually they have a bit more wear and tear on their bodies than this glistening piece of meat. :D

Jamie said...

Sorry that comment was from my tablet, keyboard isn't in yet so it's a tad harder to type long replys. You said...
"To me, sexy is reading. Being out in nature. Animal lovers. Compassion. Creativity. Respect. Intelligence. Common sense. Embracing emotions. A dose of cynicism. Having hope. And faith. Trust. A sense of romance. Desire."
I meant that as a bar for someone to reach to be sexy to you...a very high bar! Not a bad thing, high standards are the mark of a woman (or man) worth working for.

Tyson said...

Not at all. Someone doesn't have to have all of those qualities in order to be sexy. Those are simply qualities I find sexy. Those are what attract me to someone. Though, really, most of those aren't hard to meet.

Like a couple of those would be enough. :D

Kellie Kamryn said...

Sexy is in the eye of the beholder. While the media bombards us with images of what "should" be sexy, it's for all of us to define that for ourselves. I think just being yourself is sexy - and chances are when you're confident in yourself, someone will think that about you too. Being real and authentic is much more important to me than living up to an image.

Ross Brodie said...

Women live in a society that constantly tells them their bodies are unacceptable.

But women have the right to show their bodies which is why I believe women in the Islamic world are repressed-- like women in Canada, and the western world.

The comment you made about the male model being a piece of meat invokes the same attitude women are subjected to in a patriarchal society.

I find this list of sexy 'qualities' to be a fascist prescription, in the same
way gays take their vitamins, slave in gyms, and must subscribe to the same codes of hedonism. It may as well be a list of favorite colors, bands or movies.

It's easy to say yay or nay to an image (and images are the only examples and points of reference in this article).

The big question is: if the frosted bloke wearing chaps chatted you up, got you drunk and made you laugh, would you pass?

I remember the time when fat girls came onto me when i was ten years younger. I shriveled away from them from the fear of social ostracism, incurred by temporary folder friends.

Now I regret not draining the heat seeking moisture missile in those rotund and exceptionally soft, inviting BBWs, and I say this with utmost sadness: they were beautiful bodies.

They were sexy. Those fat bitches were as hot as fuck, they had the prettiest faces, and they made me laugh instead of the other way round.

Tyson, if you are on a mission to tell the world that men are missing out on the real deal then don't worry because as every man grows older they think about all those horny chubbies they should have absorbed, and no amount of Internet porn will fill the abyss in their souls.

Sent from my iPhone

Tyson said...

The last comment makes me wonder what exactly the reader was reading. Because it's clear it wasn't my blog. :D

Ross Brodie said...

I read your article.

'Sexy is waking barefoot on grass'

Dog shit and rusty nails. Watch out.

Exmoorjane said...

Tee, I get your post and I also kinda get where that last comment is coming from... :)
Sexy isn't a prescription, at least not for me... I used to have lists (and arms were most definitely on it!) but now I'm not so sure. Sexy can be the tiniest thing, the slightest move, the way words are used, the ways silence hangs... What sexy isn't (at least for me) is airbrushed perfection, shiny skin and synthetic self-assurance.

I suspect the sexiest people are those who have absolutely NO idea that they're sexy as hell. :)

btw, I don't feel your 'list' is about sexiness, so much as about love. But then, when you are in love with someone, they are automatically as sexy as hell, no? :) xxx

Tyson said...

It isn't a list so much as qualties in which I find sexy in other people.

Someone can be uber attractive physically and do nothing for me because they hold zero compassion for others.

And someone can be unattractive physically and yet grow to be sexy by capturing some of these qualities.

Someone doesn't have to have all these qualities to be sexy.

But the truth is, sexiness is deeper than the physical. For me.

There needs to be a connection there for me to find someone sexy.

I can find someone attractive, but sexy is a far more intimate thing, for me.

Yes, it can be a movement or look, but then, that's usually from someone you love, isn't it? And yes, someone you are in love with can almost do anything and make it sexy.

Ross Brodie said...

When one moves to a new work place or social scene then one is immediately struck by the most phsycially attractive. But there are others who are psychically attractive but not in the generic way

Over 8 months one's attitude has completed inverted, and for me the physical imperfects, the ugliness (the french call it the 'dog' in someone) become so addictive and charismatic that one simply has to defy the logic of all sexx lawz

I read somewhere that its just as well emotional scars cannot be seen, otherwise porn would be disgusting.