This Is What Exercising Looks Like

Instagram is riddled with pictures of slender girls in workout clothes taking selfies of themselves with the hashtag 'getting fit' or 'working out'. For a long time, it was a conundrum to me. I mean, they aren't sweating. Their hair is perfect. Makeup in place. Fresh faced and fancy free. Have I been working out wrong? Because when I go running I can't do it without my face running down into my cleavage.

Then it dawned on me. Those perky, smiling, carefree girls with the expensive cross trainers and colour coordinated sports bra and stretchy pants aren't actually working out. Not yet. They are thinking about working out. Or they are standing in the gym. This is what 'before' looks like.

You know before. You've been there. 

Before the cramp in the side. Before the panting. Before the sweating and red face. Before the 'I'm so tired and I still have a mile to go' stage sets in. Before the lazy feet happen. And before the doubting. You know the doubting. It's the part of you that says you don't mind being unhealthy and maybe being fit is overrated.

Truthfully, there is nothing attractive about exercising. At least, there isn't when it comes to me. I get lobster faced and so sweaty someone passing by might actually wonder if I've just been swimming. Well, I haven't. I simply inherited my father's sweat glands. And my jaunty stride I had during the first kilometre gradually gets slower and more pathetic the farther I go, until it might actually be faster for me to crawl home instead of continuing to do this abysmal thing I'm calling running. . 

Because I am all about being honest, with myself and the world, this is actually what working out looks like: 

Actually, that's a pretty good picture. Look at my healthy glow! Here, this one is more accurate:

There's sweat in my eye! It hurts! And I stink. Like super bad. 

Anyhow, this is what exercising looks like. In my world. From the waist up. The waist down will never find its way onto the internet.

Hey, remember when we used to be told not to post any personal information on the internet, then we ended up posting everything on the internet. Weird how things change. 

Anyhow, if you're a girl like me that doesn't find themselves the most attractive, or even a fraction attractive, while sweating it out on the treadmill or while lifting weights, please understand you aren't alone. Working out isn't an attractive thing, but it makes us feel better in the end. Hopefully. 

Camping 101

Just got home from camping and I have never been so dirty. That's not true. I've been far dirtier. But that first shower after collecting three days of camp filth feels divine. As does sleeping in a bed again. We went away for the Sidekick's birthday. He's now another year older, but I suspect none the wiser. He said he feels twenty-nine. I tried not to laugh in his face.

While we were away, I got to thinking about the proper way to camp, what is and isn't camping to me, and the etiquette of being out in the wilderness. Here are some of the observations I made.

1. When an RV is involved it isn't camping. This is what the city girls call glamping but to me it's a bit on the excessive side, kind of like you're missing the entire point of the activity. On top of that, it's sort of rude, especially when you set up shop across from a couple with a tent and they have to listen to your generator kicking in every couple minutes or your smoke detector going off. Like, seriously? A smoke detector! Part of the fun of camping is second guessing whether you doused your fire enough and silently wondering if you're going to perish in your tent that night.

2. Showering is cheating. The whole point of going camping is to connect with your inner beast and become one with the wild. Walking to a shower and using such items as body wash, razors and a loofa sponge are against the rules. Now, washing up in a lake or creek is perfectly acceptable. That icy splash of water on your face is most invigorating.

3. Heat comes from a campfire. There are no other exceptions, unless we are talking bodily warmth. Huddling close to the fire to keep warm is a key ingredient to a successful adventure into the woods, as is practically burning your legs off because you insist on sitting a foot away from the eight log fire.

4. Wet wood doesn't make the best fire. Cedar kindling rules!

5. Always pack a rain jacket. Who wouldn't pack a rain jacket? (glances over at the Sidekick)

6. The weather reports are wrong. I am actually a firm believer that all meteorologists are liars and that weather predicting is about as trust worthy as witchcraft.

7. Camping calories don't count. It's okay to survive on potato chips and hot dogs for three days. No one is going to think less of you. In fact, you might become a hero in the eyes of people you tell.

8. Don't cheap out on a tent. From past experience, a leaky tent is literally one of the worst things in the world. Just because that eight person tent is a hundred dollars at Wal-Mart doesn't mean you should buy it. Pay attention to the words 'water resistant' - it is basically saying if it drizzles you will be fine. You want a waterproof fly. The tent we just got kept us perfectly dry and it wasn't too expensive.

9. Dogs are awesome, but don't just let them run around the campground. This is my problem with off leash dogs. Not all dogs are friendly and, while your dog might be the sweetest four legged creature ever to grace planet Earth, it is an animal with instincts. Keep your dog leashed or tethered, for their own protection and other animals' as well. Everyone in our campground kept their dog under control until the last day when two families showed up and just let their dogs roam free. This is a huge pet peeve of mine. As you know, Dixon is a pitbull. We have had two dogs run up to us off leash and start trouble with him. He's not an aggressive dog, but these bad interactions with uncontrolled dogs are terrible experiences we both hate having. On top of that, they are unnecessary.

10. Keep it clean. Camping is messy business, sure, but you should treat your surroundings with respect. Dispose of your garbage, keep the site tidy, and leave it in better condition than you arrived. We left our fire poker 2000 behind for the next visitors to use.

Okay, now it is picture time!

Comfy in the tent. 

Morton Lake

 

Mohun Lake 

A man and his dog

Andrew Lake (thought the sky looked cool in this one)

Being a good boy at the lake

Morton Lake

Camping abode (tent)

All bundled up

He's ready to go home

Sidekick and his fire poker

A rare picture of the Sidekick and I

Inception Selfie

This morning, I was trying to take a picture of my hair. Not because I take daily photographs of my hair for my Lovely Locks Log, but because I have to ensure my hair looks half decent for work. The problem with this is, I have no idea how to craft a cool coiffure, so I exist in a world of trial and hairror. See what I did there? Instead of error I wrote ... never mind.

Back to the point, because I don't have a second mirror, I sometimes take photos of my hairstyles to ensure they don't look like a rat's nest with bobby-pins sticking out of it. This morning's hair actually looked pretty good too, but before I snapped a decent picture of the back, I turned the phone on. BAM. The camera was on the wrong way and there was a huge, up close and too personal shot of my face. This never makes me feel attractive. It's almost as if the front camera makes me way uglier than the back camera does.

Anyhow, when I went to turn the phone around, the reflection caught the mirror and I noticed myself in the camera and in that camera too. Then I realized, if I angled the camera just right I could see myself three times over. And a light bulb went off over my head and trumpets played as I thought to myself:

INCEPTION SELFIE.

So, being the total nerd I am, I took the picture in order to share it with all of you. Isn't it magnificent when phones, cameras and mirrors come together in such a highly entertaining way?

Or maybe I'm the only amused by this.

Creative Genius

Fine, the title of this blog post is a little sarcastic. I would never call myself a creative genius. In many ways, this post falls in line with the other days, where I talked about having the ability to laugh at yourself.

Yesterday, I coined a new phrase.

The Stealthie.

It's the act of taking a selfie on the sly, a stealthie selfie.

Apparently, there is a whole world of people out there submerged in selfie culture. It's a wonder to me too, honestly, I'm puzzled. Not only are there people participating in the selfie Olympics, but people are obsessed with taking pictures of themselves without other people knowing. How? Hiding the phone in a book, behind a scarf. I had a link, but I lost it. Needless to say, I am unreliable.

That being said, you heard it hear first ... maybe.

The Stealthie.

Oh, yeah. Super grateful for my ability to make stupid crap up.

I am sure the Urban Dictionary will you tell you 'stealthie' means something else. And it probably has something to do with sex. They are wrong.

Wrong, I tell you.

You know what this all makes me think about? How obsessed people are with their faces. Don't think I am saying my poop don't stink, either. It does. I have selfies on my phone. They are posted to my Instagram. Pictures be everywhere.

But it poses an interesting question, is our society more focused on image and how they look? Is it getting worse? Do people really think others care? And, most importantly, does anyone find the duck face attractive?