No Such Luck - Day 29

Last night, I was supposed to watch Poltergeist. I've never seen it before, you see, and I was looking forward to finally crossing it off my short list of classics I've yet to indulge in.

First, the MKV version I had wouldn't play on my xbox, then the MP4 file was corrupted. Well, a girl can take a hint. So, I didn't end up watching Poltergeist at all. Instead, I watched a truly terrifying flick called Sleepless In Seattle. I still have chills.

Okay, okay, comedy hour is over. This is what I really watched.

Title: Cabin In The Woods
Year: 2012
Synopsis: Five friends go for a break at a remote cabin in the woods, where they get more than they bargained for. Together, they must discover the truth behind the cabin in the woods.

Tagline: You think you know the story.
Thar be spoilers in this here review! Because I can't write a rave review about this without telling you just what I thought was amazing.

When I went to go see this movie in the theatre, I thought it was going to be another slasher teen flick. You know, the movie where the ridiculously good-looking main characters do a bunch of stupid shit and they all get killed in clichéd ways and you roll your eyes because it's all soooooo predictable.

I was wrong.

Granted, on the surface, it does look like that kind of movie. The overtly sexual blonde bimbo is dating the douche-face jock. Stoner guy is thrown in for comedic effect while you assume the virgin is going to be the only survivor in the movie. Actually, like so many horror movies, there is a gang of kids that kind of resemble Scooby-Doo. It makes me laugh how accurate that statement is.

Upfront, I can address why a lot of people didn't like this. There are two groups of people, the 'what the hell is going on crowd' who don't like it when a movie is one upping them and they can't figure out the plot. These people are the ones who will walk out before the movie is completed because it doesn't make any sense and it seems like a couple other horror flicks they've seen before. Basically, they have no patience and shouldn't be allowed in the door to a movie of this calibre.

The second crowd is the 'I've seen every horror movie known to man and I will never be happy with anything big Hollywood does'. These elitist horror snobs are the worst. They can't enjoy anything except for seventies Italian horror and Foreign films with knife wielding and a fair bit of pert nipplery. These folks are annoyed because this movie used ideas other movies that came before used. Apparently, they didn't get the memo that there are no original ideas and people borrow, modify and steal lines, characters, plot points all the time.

To be blunt, when I went to go see this, it'd been a long time since I saw a truly good horror movie. Cabin in the Woods is at once a parody of the horror genre and also a tribute. In a lot of ways, it is like a magic trick, a genius case of misdirection, but revealed to the audience.

First, they show you what you already expect to happen. The Scooby-Doo gang, all good-looking college students, going to an isolated cabin for a chance to kick back and relax. Because we have all seen this a hundred times before, we check our watches and think to ourselves, good another hour of blood and mayhem and I can get home and trash this on my blog. That's when the zombies make an appearance. Well, not just zombies. The zombie redneck family!

Second, they hit you with a sub-plot and start to explain things, a bit. This is where you have the 'wait, something else is going on here', thought. What are these tech guys talking about? What are they betting on? Wait, they know who the Scooby-Doo gang is? They've been watching them. Wow. So, this whole weekend getaway has been orchestrated? The dumb shit these seemingly stupid characters are doing has all been planned? Nothing is as it seems? It's all a giant set-up!!! At this point, our brains explode, but we are delighted because this is new. This is exciting. We didn't plan for this.

Or it's where you walk out of the theatre.

Last, they deliver the big reveal. The climax. Why this group of techie nerds is harbouring every monster known to man in the pits of this underground lab. What these kids have been sacrificed for. And how it all was able to be worked out. This is the part where a lot of people asked 'is this for real?" It is. It is so for real.

The most important reason for you to go and watch this movie is to see the epic monster battle scene. I can't even explain it. I will simply say, the unicorn made my day. And it doesn't end the way you think it does. In fact, nothing about this movie is what you think it is. If you don't like to laugh during horror movies, or if you have a serious case of the 'nothing-is-ever-good-enough-for-mes', then just pass on watching this, okay, fun killers!

 Honestly, the only disappointing part is the ending. Not the end itself, but the fact that there can't really be a sequel. And I would have loved to have seen a sequel for this one!

Found Footage - Day 27

Remember when everyone was all about The Blair Witch Project?

Title: [Rec]
Year: 2007
Synopsis: A television reporter and cameraman follow emergency workers into a dark apartment building and are quickly locked inside with something terrifying.

Tagline: Experience Fear

Before 1999, there were only a handful of found footage horror movies, Cannibal Holocaust being the first I can remember and that was from 1980. Then Blair Witch was made and the world went crazy for these 'this could be happening to you' movies. You know, I don't actually remember seeing at all. I mean, I know I saw it, but it didn't leave any sort of impression and if someone sat me down and asked what it was about I'd shrug my shoulders and say, "Not sure. Some kids with a camera and snot coming out of a nose or two." Seriously.

Like it or not, Blair Witch popularized the mockumentary style genre. After came Cloverfield, Paranormal Activity, The Zombie Diaries, The Last Exorcism, and this foreign film [Rec]. That's right, it's a Spanish film with English subtitles, which means you're going to have to read. I know, I know. We all hate reading. Or, maybe we don't, but apparently that's what Hollywood thinks. They always remake amazing foreign movies and I can't think of any reason other than the fact they don't think people like to read. Remember that movie Let Me In? It was a remake of the Swedish horror movie Let The Right One In, which was amazing. So often these remakes don't do the originals any justice. Since I haven't seen the remake of [Rec], called Quarantine and stars Dexter's sister, I can't comment on it, but I'm going to hazard a guess that it pales in comparison.

I myself don't LOVE the found footage style of film making. It kind of makes me sick, all that running around and shaking camera nonsense. That said, this way of shooting really did add to the overall tone of the movie, instead of feeling gimmicky and humorous, it had an incredibly authentic air to it.

A journalist and camera operator are following these fireman around. They go on a call to investigate a scream, only to find an infected woman. Then the biting starts. Like most zombie movies, the plague travels fast, easily taking out the people who were healthy only a moment before. The plot line isn't actually anything original, we've seen it before, but the sense of urgency in the first person perspective certainly lends an engaging element to the overall film.

People raved about [Rec] when it first came out, calling it ground breaking, but in truth it is a simply mash-up of a few other movies. Nothing about this breaks boundaries or is in any way 'new' to the viewer. That doesn't mean I am trashing the movie for taking bits and pieces from other horror movies, such as Blair Witch and 28 Days Later. The truth is, I love Quentin Tarantino and he loves borrowing from the classics that came before. It's what he's known for. Sure, he's smarmy and has major attitude, but who didn't love Django?

To sum it up, [Rec] is good. Tense. Scary. And totally worth it for the last ten minutes. For a movie that had a very limited budget, was shot on a digital camera, and contained in one building, it was really well done. A quick view that any zombie lover will surely enjoy.

Funny Horror - Day 26

If a horror movie is funny, can it still be horror? Yes. In fact, a lot of horror movies have funny parts. I call these little quips, one liners and humorous moments breathers. Because it gives you a chance to take a breath, gather your thoughts and prepare yourself for the next big 'scare'.

Last night, I watched two 'funny' zombie flicks Dance of the Dead, it was better than I expected it to be, and Warm Bodies, which could almost be chalked up to a feel-good romantic comedy. So, maybe they weren't exactly horror, but we all need a break from slasher flicks and torture porn, or maybe that's just me.

Title: Warm Bodies
Year: 2013
Synopsis: After a highly unusual zombie saves a still-living girl from an attack, the two form a relationship that sets in motion events that might transform the entire lifeless world.

Tagline: There's nothing hotter than a girl with brains.

Boys the world over cringed at this movie. It's the romance. And the fact that it smelled like a chick-flick. Not to mention that cover? It practically screams high-school love-fest.

The truth is, there's a bit more going on than what you might naturally assume. It is because I read the book that I knew this wasn't going to be another Notebook or High School Musical. Granted, I will watch anything with Zac Efron and Ryan Gosling in it, so perhaps my opinions can't really be trusted. Whatever, just read the damn review. 

The number one reason this movie is watch-worthy is the main character is a zombie. It's from his perspective. His point of view. He's the narrator, for crying out loud! That's a big 'hell yes'. Yes, sure, the movie deviates away from the 'unfeeling, unthinking, uncaring' zombies we grew up with, but that's why it's rather brilliant. Not to mention he eats his love interest's boyfriend's brain, but not all at once. He takes some of it to go and, throughout the course of the movie, takes bites. There's a reason for this, which I will detail in a minute, but if you think about it from the angle of the girl, Julie, then you realize this is a very disturbing thing. Of course, she doesn't know, and maybe that's what makes it even more twisted. 

Up next, the second reason why you should watch this movie is why 'R', the zombie, decides to keep the boyfriend's brain and savour it. Not to devour it all at once. Brains to zombies are a glimpse at their humanity again. They experience the memories of the owners of the brains and, for a brief time, get to live again. I've never seen this twist in any zombie movies. While I certainly love the shuffling, groaning, non-thinking walkers we have know for decades now, I always enjoy an alternate way of looking at things. It shows imagination. 

Thinking outside the box and all that crap. 

Up next, plot. The movie has heart - if you've seen the movie then you understand what I did there. If not, oops. Normally, zombies aren't curable, but in this, love kind of saves the day. And that might seem hokey and clichéd, but sometimes clichés are clichés for a reason.  

Another point to make would be the humour. It really is fantastically written. The dialogue, the awkward moments, the uncertainty between the two main characters, and the inner monologue of R is witty and funny. Not to mention the development of the characters is believable. If you have great actors in far-fetched roles, then sometimes you can add a sense of believability to a 'this will never happen' plot. 

While there are other parts I loved about this film, including the score, special effects, bonies, best friend sub-plot and humanizing zombies, I feel the need to end this review with mentioning John Malkovich is in it. Have you ever disliked anything he's done? He plays Julie's militant, don't bend the rules, kill kill kill father, and he does a superb job.  

The bones of this plot aren't original. It's actually a parallel with Romeo and Juliet, R and Julie, but the flesh is what sets it apart from other similar movies. In the wake of Twilight, there are a lot of monsters falling in love with awkward girls. Unlike others, this one is actually quite charming. If Zombieland and Shaun of the Dead can be considered horror movies and be loved the world over by zombie enthusiast, why can't this one? 

Zombie Weekend - Day 25

Yesterday kicked off Zombie weekend here, and let me just tell you, I am over the moon. Zombies have been and always will be one of my most favourite horror creatures.

Title: 28 Days Later
Year: 2002
Synopsis: Four weeks after a mysterious, incurable virus spreads throughout the UK, a handful of survivors try to find sanctuary.

Tagline: Be thankful for everything, for soon there will be nothing.

The truth is I can't say enough good things about this movie. Granted, there will be some who meekly raise their hands and tell me this isn't actually a zombie movie. After all, zombies are people who have died and been reanimated. The monsters in 28 Days Later don't actually die, but contract a virus called 'rage' that makes them act like the cannibalistic undead. Now, while I can appreciate that outlook, I don't feel the same way.

If it acts like a zombie and looks like a zombie. It's a zombie.

That being said, I would actually suggest categorizing this as a virus/outbreak movie, as opposed to a zombie flick for one simple reason. People think zombie and they assume it will be cheesy and regurgitate all the stuff we've already seen in other lurching, moaning, flesh-eating movies. This is not the case with Danny Boyle's 2002 masterpiece.

Now, why is this movie so phenomenal?

Well, it contains all the necessary pieces to make a great film. Believability. Anyone who existed ten years ago remembers when the swine flu was taking the world by storm. It was all over the news. People were dying. Everyone was scared. Before the swine flue was the plague. Black death. It happened. And it could happen again. In fact, my money is on a virus wiping most of us out one day. Besides, have you seen how many people don't wash their hands or cover their mouths when they sneeze? Disturbing.

28 Days Later also touts sympathetic characters. You can't help but like Cillian Murphy's character. Not only is he undeniably attractive with those pale baby blues, but his fear is palpable. You can feel it. He doesn't do stupid things because he is afraid. He's sensitive and lost, certainly not the stuff most heroes are made from. All his moves are authentic, he does things we all would do if we woke up in the hospital and suddenly found the world taken over by mobs of very angry people. Kind of like Vancouver when the Canucks crap the bed during play-offs and the citizens burn their own city down. Bravo.

And maybe that's the whole point. The parallel between real life and the virus induced state isn't too far away from one another, is it? People seem to be so very agitated so often in lift and, towards the end of the film, you really get the sense that Danny Boyle is skewing the line in who is the 'monster' and who isn't. In the end, this truly does explore human nature, and maybe that's why it is one of those flicks that sticks with you after the fact.

Unlike a lot of horror movies, this one doesn't let up. From the very beginning straight through to the end it is a blood spraying riot of violence and tension. But it isn't in your face gore, it isn't overwhelming, and it isn't trying to be the grossest movie of the decade. Each scene shows you a snippet into the characters and their development, creating this perfect arc that you can see over the entire film, kind of like a rainbow.

The writers did a fantastic job with plotting out and executing this storyline. Like I said, I can't say enough good things. Watch it for entertainment or because it is subtly layered and beautifully executed. This is just another example that great movies can be done on small budgets. I am beginning to think Danny Boyle is untouchable.

Z Is For Zygotes

Just kidding. It's for zombies.

The brain-eating, flesh dropping, rotting walking dead that we all know and love.

Wait, you do love zombies, right? I hate to speak for you, but I naturally assumed everyone and their mother loves the living dead. Granted, my mother doesn't love the living dead. In fact, she doesn't like horror movies at all. It has something to do with them being unhealthy for our brains and creating bad vibes. Like you shouldn't see those horrible things, even if they are fake.

And I don't necessarily disagree with her. But it just so happens that horror is my favourite genre, right above romantic comedies, and zombies are my best mates. Old chums, really.

Except, there was a time when zombies weren't so popular. In the last decade, the undead have risen in the monster ranks. They have now been crowned king of the prom. No longer are they B-horror players. Movies, graphic novels, video games, television programs and books, zombies are saturating our entertainment field. And I'm not complaining. Honestly, I think it's gore-ific. People even gather together in different cities to do zombie-walks. Even more awesome, are the zombie themed scavenger hunts and obstacle courses out there.

But what is it about them that people love so much?

Well, I can only speak for myself, but it basically comes down to the fact that zombies are us. They are scary because we are only a bite or blood spatter away from fine-dining on our own siblings. Not only that, but zombies often bring with them the apocalypse. This is another fascinating prospect for mankind. The end of the world? Sign us up. We all fancy ourselves survivors. We envision ourselves with amazing weapons, badass clothing and an attitude that will get us out of anything. No one wants to confront the fact that they're most likely going to become zombie fodder.

And why are we so invested in the end of the world?

Firstly, it's because of all the free stuff. Imagine not having to pay for anything ever again? Secondly, I suspect it has something to do with guilt. Look at what we are doing to the world. There has to be some sort of fallout? It might as well be an economic crash, followed by a rare and lethal virus, and ending with a select few socially detached individuals kicking ass and taking names. That's why we are always to blame. Whether it is big business, government, military, or most likely, a nut bar scientists trying to create a virus that makes people angry as hell, we are all to blame because we stand by and let these things happen. So, what is our punishment? Other than the crippling guilt we experience on a day to day basis. Zombies. A lot of them. And they are hungry. For our brains.

In many ways, people subconsciously think we deserve the zombie apocalypse. Especially, Christians. Okay, okay, I was just teasing. Kind of. Zombies are in fact sort of biblical. Wait, you might say, zombies are in the bible? Well, kind of. At least the prediction that they're going to be making an appearance one day. I mean, Zechariah 14:12 clearly has some zomb-tastic undertones going on:

"And the LORD will send a plague on all the nations that fought against Jerusalem. Their people will become like walking corpses, their flesh rotting away. Their eyes will rot in their sockets, and their tongues will rot in their mouths." 

What do we draw from this?

God is pissed people messed with Jerusalem. And, technically, still are. And zombies, or at least the idea of them, have been around for a long time. But where did the word, or term, 'zombie' come from? Dr. Google tells me this word is found in Haitian folklore and Voodoo. This folklore also tells us that zombies are walking corpses. Except, isn't that what vampires and mummies are too? Not to mention ghouls, which we all learned about when I did the riveting 'G' posting earlier this month. Monster genealogy is more complex than I anticipated. All of these creatures are different, but they are all dead corpses walking around.

To tell you the truth, I can only surmise they are different because of their location, the mythology that surrounds them, and probably they way they die and are brought back to life. It's all about location, location, location. And wound dressing. And who bit who.

A bit more folklore from Haiti...

Apparently, way over there in the Caribbean  it was thought that a sorcerer could steal the soul of someone who has died recently and bring them back to life to do their bidding. This would really cut down on the housework. I'd just give them a list of chores to do. All jokes aside, the Haitians don't believe the zombies are what pose the real danger here, but the master of the zombie. Interesting, no?

At the end of the day, zombies are entertaining. And I think we identify with them. The soulless drone, constantly on the go, no sleep, just work work work. It's how I feel Monday to Friday. And the zombie apocalypse has a certain appeal because we envision it to be this awesome world of looting and survival of the fittest. That's all fantasy. In reality, the majority of people would be curled in the foetal position, crying out for their mommies. Unfortunately, their mommies will most likely be trying to eat them.

Badass Zombies & Not So Tough Vampires

Guess what day it is? It is Friday, which means it is VlogDay Friday! Woot Woot.
I procrastinated the hell out of this video this week, and I promise myself it won't happen again, because it kept me up beyond lade and woke me up earlier than need be today.

Yesterday, I had the opportunity to meet the lovely, and very talented, Shoshanna! For all of you who know who she is, she was everything I dreamed of and move. ;)

This week I refelct, and rant, on Zombies and what vampires used to be.

Here it is, enjoy!

And BRRRRAAAIIIINNNNSSS!