Outlander, Breasts And Being A Judgmental Asshole

There's a group on Facebook I'm in, mostly because I can be offensive and my offensiveness is appealing to some. Everyone in the group has something in common, they are all avid fans of Outlander, the books and television show by Diana Gabaldon, and used to be part of another group called 'Outlander Series', which has a following of like thirty-four thousand people. I'm not a member of this OS group, but I've heard a lot about it and feel I probably wouldn't fit in. From what I gather, there are a couple of control freaks at the helm of the ship, exercising and abusing their admin 'power' to censor, delete and ban whatever and whomever they please. The issue is, they aren't actually moderating everyone, just the people they don't seem to like.

As someone who has been on the receiving end of ridiculous moderation before, I know it's a losing battle. In the end, you have to shrug and let the narrow-minded admins wield their swords of hypocrisy and ignorance, and laugh if you get cut. This blog isn't actually about Facebook fan page wars, but it seemed like a good jumping off point. Now all I have to do is tie this in with ugly boobs. This seems like a feat all in itself, but there is actually a direct correlation between Outlander, Facebook fan pages and overzealous moderators. Here it is: 

Apparently one of the threads posted on the Outlander Series page was a statement about Cait's breasts. For those of you who don't know, Caitriona Balfe is the actress who plays Claire Randall, the most important character in the entire series, if you aren't counting Jamie, the handsome Scottish-man with a shock of auburn  curls you want nothing more than to run your fingers through. Anyhow, there has been much discussion over the steaminess of the show, but a lot of terrible comments about Claire's body. Not Jamie's, no. The male lead is, of course, perfect. Unfortunately, there are a lot of women (why do we love tearing our sex to shreds) bashing Cait - her breast size and unevenness, her body type, lack of curves, imperfect teeth, face, eye colour. You name it, someone is saying something negative about it.

Now, the OS page has a new rule about being mean. Basically, you aren't allowed to instigate fights, bicker, bait or say jerky things. The problem is, when a friend of mine commented about how the bashing of Cait's breasts was body shaming and letting the post stand was hypocritical she got a virtual slap on the wrist, and her comment was deleted. Gasp, right? How could she be so, so, so ... wait a second, she wasn't being argumentative at all and was really only stating the obvious. As it goes, apparently it's okay to lambaste a celebrity. After all, it's only an opinion.

So, when you make nasty comments to your peers it's considered bullying, but if you do it to celebrities it's just having an opinion? Bit confusing, no? The thing is, tearing apart someone's physical appearance is the weakest form of insult. It lacks creativity and, in this case in particular, reeks of jealousy. Whenever I see these sorts of lowbrow critiques, I shake my head and curse the internet for what it has become - a breeding ground for negativity and impossible beauty standards, a place that perpetuates the unrealistic expectations women are already trying to live up to.

Now, let's look at Cait:

Um. Yeah. So, if this woman is ugly, mousy, or unattractive, then I am down right hideous. Let's drop the absurdity for a moment and face the fact, this woman is gorgeous. A classic beauty. Perfect cheekbones. Wry smile. Shapely lips. Blue eyes as deep as the ocean. Still, it doesn't seem to matter how attractive a woman is in this world, there will always be someone who has something mean to say. There seems to be this aggravating desire to put females down, to keep them under thumb, and ensure they know their place. Instead of celebrating one another, we (being women) appear to be going out of our way to bash and wound each other. Yes, men certainly receive criticisms, but they never seem to be so hurtful, personal, or abundant.

To nitpick the evenness of breasts is so mind-numbing and ridiculous. The last time I checked, most of our boobs aren't the same size. In fact, a lot of women are a whole cup different (I actually know a girl with an A and a C!). The sad part is, even if Cait's breasts had the symmetry to make a geometry aficionado swoon, then there would just be something else to complain about. Nipple size. Weight. Colour of areola. Heft. Amount of downy hair. Angle of under boob curve. Because if it isn't one thing, it's another.

If you ask me, we put far too much stock in appearance, especially when the course of all our roads is one that leads downhill. Eventually, we age, get wrinkly, spotted, have every part of us sag and dimple. This is why I am so baffled by those who are making these superficial observations, do they honestly feel they are so attractive, so put together and presentable, so striking and flawless that they can rip apart someone else? Do they really feel they have the right to criticize? All these put-downs and judgments aren't just opinions, either. They are malicious and hateful, bullying on a global scale, and condoned by those who laugh and agree.

These behaviours are so often excused when directed at celebrities. As if the rich and famous have ceased being people with feelings, who hurt and battle body issues of their own. We've all heard it before, to treat others the way we wish to be treated and if we don't have anything nice to say, then we shouldn't say anything at all. And yet, the callous comments keep on coming. Whether it is the mask of anonymity the world wide web provides, or the illusion of sneaking by unnoticed, I can't honestly say why people feel it their place to judge others, famous or not. All I know for sure is, these sorts of criticisms are petty and boring, unimaginative and lacking in substance - not to mention unfounded. In the end, they reveal more about the person spewing them than the target they are intended for.

Even more confounding are the people moaning about the series and actors they supposedly love. I mean, why complain about something you like? All the so-called 'fans' of this Outlander series who are griping and whining about authenticity, deviations from the plot and how the actors are different from the books. If you don't like it, don't watch. It's unrealistic for a movie or television show to be identical to the book. Trust me, I'm an avid Game Of Thrones fan and actually enjoy it when plots and characters differ from the original. It keeps things interesting.

No one asked my opinion, but I feel the need to share it freely. It's time we dropped the body shaming (big, small, curvy, skinny, old, young, black and white) and stopped the moaning. Whether it is done unintentionally or not, it's getting tedious and I am so over it. None of us are perfect, so it isn't our place to point out anyone else's imperfections. If you don't want your breasts judged by the world, then don't judge other people's. If you aren't enjoying the show, stop tuning in each week. Always keep in mind, these characters aren't real, they are all made up. You can't marry them. They don't love you. And while I can appreciate escapism and being enamoured with a book or particular beau, fiction should never be substituted for real life, if it is you're heading into unstable mental realms.

For a show I don't watch and books I've never read, the Outlander Series has seriously got me riled up.

Tell me you don't want to run your fingers through those curly locks?

Planting The Seed

Yesterday, I wrote a blog post. It wasn't anything controversial, I didn't talk about how I thought kitten stomping was a good idea, and yet, somehow, a fight ensued over it. The details of the fight don't really matter. What is pertinent is why I got my back up. I am not an overly sensitive person. I get called names and mocked daily, most of it self-deprecation. After all, I'm a firm believer in not taking one's self too seriously. I mean, what's the fun in walking around thinking you're faultless and infallible? Boring is what I say to that.

Regardless, I posted the blog (my last one about the book I finished co-writing) and shared it on my Facebook. The co-author of said book excitedly passed it along to her followers and the first comment she got was from another writerly type. To say the comment was condescending and disparaging would be like saying zombies like to eat people.

Now, instead of replying hotly, I decided to ask what he meant by it. You know, because I like to give people the benefit of the doubt. (Okay, you can stop laughing now.)

Well, the belittling just kept coming!

The impression received, not only by me, but by others, was that he felt we were incapable of writing Science Fiction. That we didn't have the knowledge to pull it off accurately. And, to sum up the whole battle, that we were out of our element in even considering to write a book in this genre. It didn't seem to matter to him that this was a YA book and the sci-fi aspects all took place on Earth. Actually, he didn't even bother to ask. By the way, he hadn't actually read any of our novel.

But that's all off topic and the fighting over me taking his comments out of context or blowing them out of proportion is moot because he later admitted to thinking we "didn't have the necessary grounding in science to pull off a science fiction novel". Yep, that's a direct quote.

Let me clear something up: I don't give a crap what people say about me. I really don't. I've been called ugly, fat, told my ideas are derivative, laughed at, poked, prodded and outright harassed for years. It comes with the territory--the territory of being awesome. Just kidding. The territory of being on the Internet and accessible to countless people from all walks of life who have an abundance of time on their hands in which they can either adore or attack me.

What I do care about is what people say to others. The reason for this is fairly simple: words hurt. They do. They say sticks and stones break bones but names will never hurt and that's an outright lie. We all know it, but we sing the mantra so that our children aren't as affected by schoolyard bullies when they head off to the playground and get called a freak. In reality, words can do more damage than a slap across the face, just ask every girl who has ever been called fat. Some things just stick with you.

People don't think. That's not news. I'm not breaking ground on some new theory. It's simply fact of life that people like to voice their opinions and often don't consider how other people will take what they say. Or maybe they just don't care. The ever-growing popularity of the Internet is only making this worse. At least in person when you say something you can see the person's physical reaction. If someone flinches, blinks rapidly, flushes red or furrows their brow, it's a clear indicator that they aren't happy with something you said. On the Internet, we aren't afforded the luxury of seeing how people react to what we tell them, so we say things we might not normally let slip. But that isn't a good enough excuse. Not in my books.

I'm not saying I don't have negative opinions about people's work. Of course I do. Sometimes it's a matter of taste and other times I simply don't think someone can write, draw or sing. The difference is, I don't go out of my way to say this to them. I might discuss it with a friend, but I don't post it on their excited status update or tweet it for all their friends to see. And the reason for this is common sense, but I'm going to spell it out for the masses, or the few people who will take the time to read this.

We, the creative types that we are, need to support one another because this is a hard business and a cruel world. We need all the support, motivation, encouragement and cookies we can get. The negativity that seems to be in abundance is pointless, not to mention damaging. Lately, I've been looking at the world from a different light and I see where we have gone wrong. Instead of offering up a kind word and excitement, we often put forth skepticism, cynicism and sarcasm. While all of those things certainly have a place in this macabre world we live, it doesn't belong in our reactions to other peoples creative endeavours, especially our so-called friends. I mean, if we can't be supportive and understanding with the people we care about then how are we supposed to give it to others? And how can we expect it in return?

Can you imagine what the world would be like if we all went forth with love, hope and optimism in our hearts?

Our daily encounters would leave us light, happy and renew the passion we have for living, learning and creating. Maybe we wouldn't feel so weighted down. Maybe we wouldn't feel so alone. The world is a massive place, but we have these virtual communities that connect us and give us something we should be thankful for, except some of us don't use it in a healthy way. Instead of giving guidance and providing a shoulder to lean on, they tear people down and shake their head at their efforts.

All this does is plant the seed of doubt. And doubt is a terrible thing.

It's fear and uncertainty. Doubt derails us from the paths we are on. It rocks our self-confidence. It destroys our faith. It makes us question the things we hold dear and forces us to look at things differently, and not necessarily in the right fashion. Doubt is evil. It leaves us feeling empty and lost, broken and battered. It staunches our dreams. It cultivates unhappiness.

Which makes me wonder, why would we want to plant that in someone else? Why would we want to sow that seed? Why would we want people to doubt what they love? To doubt something they get joy from? To doubt themselves and who they are?

Words are a powerful thing. As a writer, I know that all too well. Which is why it baffled, and irked, me so much to see another writer toss his words around without a care in the world. It's unnecessary to try and bring someone down. To give them unwanted advice. To kick their excitement to death. To put them in their place or judge them.

The truth is, people aren't going to plant doubt in me. I won't be derailed from my path, but what if this guy says the same thing to someone else? Someone not as stubborn or determined as me. It might stop them from creating and being artistic. It might prevent them from taking the leap and trying something new. And that's why I got my back up. That's why we should all get our back up when we see things like this.

We need creative people. We need artists, writers, bloggers, vloggers, musicians, painters, photographers and dancers to keep doing what they are doing. It adds beauty to this world. A world so focused on everything people are doing wrong that we don't see what they are doing right. Together we should work towards eradicating doubt because it's toxic and there simply is no use for it.

Like my mother always said, think before you speak.

And like I have started to say recently, drop the negativity.

It isn't doing us any good anyways.