13 Things For Warm Feels

Sometimes all you want is the warm feels. To feel loved and comforted. At home and warm. Safe and sound. Tonight as I sit here wondering why I procrastinated writing this and wanting nothing more than to curl up in bed with the sounds of my dogs snoring, I am thinking about those little things that make us feel good. They are small, seemingly insignificant things that happen to pack a powerful punch.

Here are my top 13 things for the warm feels:

Drinking a glass of water when you're really thirsty.

• There's something oddly refreshing about feeling the cool liquid rush down your throat and into your belly. Not much can top the reassurance that glass of water brings with it. Alas, you won't dry of dehydration like you feared you would. 

The first swim of the summer.

• Dipping your toes into the ocean or a lake after keeping your legs hidden for the previous six months is awfully invigorating. On top of that, you can relax because you know there will be many more swims and water wading in your future.  

Applying chapstick to your burning, dry lips.

• Nothing in the world can match the irritation of needing chapstick and not having it. The indescribably burn and, even though you know you shouldn't, you tell yourself not to, you can't help but lick your stinking lips. Then, your saviour arrives in tube form and you don't even care it's the classic original kind and not spearmint like you really wanted. 

Eating fresh bread right from the oven.

• They say bread makes you fat. It's true. It does. But as soon as a fresh loaf is pulled out of the oven, fat doesn't matter anymore. It's just you and that bread, and most likely a pad of butter or margarine. 

Getting into a cool, clean bed after being camping. 

• While the dirtiness of camping is liberating in the most primal of ways, taking a shower and getting into a fresh pair of underwear is only trumped by the feel of those crisp bedsheets as you slide into bed. The only thing better is the best night of sleep waiting for you to drift off into. 

Sinking into a long hot bath after intense exercise.

• Aching bones, sore feet and angry muscles all rejoice when submerged in hot water. Added bonus if there are candles and bubble bath involved. 

Returning home after a long trip.

• Being free to travel and explore the vast wonders of the world is an amazing privledge, but it isn't until you are off on a great adventure when you realize how appealing 'home' is. And when your time abroad is over, there is very little that compares to the rush of euphoria when you board the plan, train, bus home. Or the joy you have when you step through the door and feel truly and utterly safe for the first time in days, weeks, months.

Snagging a warm blanket from the dryer and curling up with it.

• So much comfort comes from warmth. Swaddling one's self in a blanket fresh from the dryer is nothing short of bliss. Of course, some numpty may reason this is because it reminds us of being in the warm womb of our mothers. But they are, of course, drunk, and ruiners of all things amazing. The simple truth of the matter is, we love warm dryer blankets because they are warm and soft and comforting and small cocoons of safety. Duh.

Listening to the sound of rain as you go to sleep.

• No weather can tame the wild beast of discomfort quite like the rain. All at once it is melancholic, soothing and contenting. As it taps, taps, taps against the window pane, one cannot help thinking how nice it is to be inside, gently being lulled by Mother Nature into a sleep fit for kings. 

Finishing a great book. 

• Good literature can leave one jealous at times, but great literature lends to its readers only inspiration. A thousand creative sparks have been struck. There is nothing more rewarding than closing a book and knowing those flawed characters, the frustratingly perfect plot and enviable beginning, middle and end will stay with you forever. Or until you find the next great book to gobble up in a sitting and forlornly set aside once finished.  

Learning about heartwarming acts of kindness. 

• There are so many people pointing out the terrible things in the world. It can be a bit daunting, to say the least. Still, through experience and assumption, I've ascertained for every wrong there are equal or greater rights. It's just the wrongs are forever in the spotlight. This is why we are so quick to snatch up heartwarming acts of kindness and refuse to let them go. There is nothing more rewarding than reading an article about a dog being saved, a kid being surprised, or a couple falling in love all over again. (Well, except maybe doing these things. Maybe that is more rewarding.) Still, we love hearing about the good in people. It validates our existence here and proves the age old saying 'it isn't all bad' is truth.

Laughing until you cry. 

• Belly laughter so sincere and honest it aches in your guts and tears spill forth from your eyes. Breaths refuse to be drawn. Words come in gasps. And the point you were trying to make is lost in another fit of laughing. Priceless. 

Pie.

• Everyone loves pie. Right out of the oven. Made with love. 

Are You Okay?

If the past couple of weeks have taught me anything, it's how unanswerable the question 'are you okay?' is. Fine, I get it. Everyone wants to hear you say that you are in fact okay, but what if you aren't. What if you don't know if you're okay at all, what then?

The other day, I was talking to my fister - which is what you get when your sister is also your friend - and yeah, I know how bad it sounds, but I just love merging two words into one - anyhow, we were discussing how being asked 'are you okay?' is most annoying. In some ways, it's almost as though the other person doesn't want the truth. They just want a quick response, then they can dust their hands off and be on their merry way.

Then my mind started making connections. Remember how I wrote that blog about how we need to ask better questions? No? Well, it was beautifully named Because Of The Poo and basically detailed how we are asking the wrong questions, that if we truly cared about the people in our lives we would tailor our questions to be more specific.

If you think about it, 'Are you okay?' is a slap in the face. Either you answer yes or no. Mostly you answer yes for fear people will get that awkward expression on their face that tells you they really, really, really don't want to know what's going on in your head, let alone your heart. I suppose an honest conversation can seem a bit daunting, after all they can run on in length. Still, no matter what the answer is, I have a hard time grasping what 'okay' is.

Sometimes I think it's the simple act of existing. Yeah, I'm okay, I'm here, I'm breathing, I'm eating and pooping. I am going through the routine. Is the basic act of existing what it means to be okay? And if so, why are we accepting that as a good thing? Why is it a relief? If I really start brooding over it, which is never a good idea, it seems as though being 'okay' is in fact not 'okay' at all! This is getting to be too much for my tiny brain to handle right now. I mean, it is almost eight o'clock. So, let's start wrapping this up.

In the past couple days, I've come to the realization that it isn't acceptable to be emotional. If you do it at work, you're boss might not think you're cut out for the job. If you do it around your friends, they might think you're unstable. Mention it to your mom and you might end up being analyzed. In truth, people shy away from those raw moments. And who can blame them? I hate showing that vulnerability,  but sometimes the tears come and they aren't wrong. They are what make us human. Sometimes you can't plan your meltdowns, they just bubble up and over the cauldron of your mind and leak out your eyes.

Here it is, the truth, simple and honest: things happen in life you can't control. Shocking, right? Well, when they do, you are allowed to feel however you feel. That's right. Your feelings are your own. And they may not make sense to anyone else - hell, they might not make sense to you, but that doesn't make them any less valid. It doesn't mean your feelings aren't justified.

I've decided to dump 'are you okay?' from my vernacular. In its place, I will ask things like, how are you handling this, what can I do for you, can I get you anything, and is there anything you want to talk about? These questions will at least make way for an honest response. Because I don't fear a truthful conversation, no matter the length, and I never want someone else to feel I am asking them a question for show. I am just not that kind of girl. Thank goodness.

Now, where'd I put that meltdown I've been meaning to have? I know it's around here somewhere.

Too Tried To Try

Sorry, I am utterly exhausted. Too tired to think of something witty for a handful of people to ruminate over. It's a broken sort of couple days. I tell you one thing, I am grateful for my sister. Even though it sometimes feels as though I am so far away from her, I can be at her front door in a matter of four hours. Not counting the fact ferries stop running at 10:30PM. Damn them for that.

She is strong. And I hate the fact she is hurting. It's a grief I feel right through to the pit of my soul. And I understand why it hurts so much. I am hurting for her. Broken for her. Distracted and confused and unsure and angry and sad with her. I am by her side because there is no other place I would rather be. I know when I need her, she will be there because that's the brand of love we have. Friends. Sisters. Wicked women who know the importance of life is to live it, and love.

There's something so powerful about knowing you will never truly be alone.

Anyhow, this song has been getting me right in the feels these last couple days.

But then I am sensitive and these are hard time.

And I always miss the sun.

A Good Cry

The term 'having a good cry' is confounding to me.

I mean, to put it in the simplest way possible, crying simply isn't good for me.

Okay, I understand some people cry when they are overcome with happiness, but I'm not one of those people. Even when I cry at weddings, it usually isn't because I am so thrilled for the people involved. Most likely it's because I think the person is making a huge mistake. Of course, I probably shouldn't have admitted that. I mean, now if you see me crying at your wedding you're going to think I'm not supportive, like you're making the most unwise decision of your life. Please, if you invite me to your wedding, and you see me bawling my eyes out, just assume you are the exception, not the rule.

Now that I've covered myself, let me delve a little deeper into this whole 'good cry' thing.

Crying, like from-the-gut-sobbing-can't-control-the-tears-bawling, is a very bad thing. I get that people think it is cleansing and a wonderful way to release pent up emotions. But I'd rather sweat out the toxic sadness with exercise or vent it in the form of a good string of curse words. It totally sucks to be reduced to a bag of tears and isn't in any way refreshing.

You know what's refreshing? A bubble bath or eucalyptus steam.

Not only does crying make me look like hell, but I feel like hell - but hell on a bad day, not a lukewarm afternoon when Lucifer isn't in such a damning mood.

While I am sitting here thinking about the act of being reduced to weeping mess, all that keeps playing in my head are the horrible, terrible, awful things. And yes, I did need three words to describe the same thing there. Let's look at the outcome of these so called 'good' cries. Sore Eyes. Runny Nose. Puffy Face. Snotty sleeves. Pounding temples. Feeling like an utter moron if people are around to bear witness to the spectacle, and feeling turdish if I'm alone. (Turdish is totally a new word for us all to enjoy) Let's face it, blubbering is ugly. Not even babies or supermodels can make it attractive.

Have you ever cried and there isn't a tissue around? Snot trails down your nose, mixes with the saltiness of your tears, gets in your mouth because crying close mouthed is next to impossible. So, you wipe it on your sleeve, trying desperately to pretend you have everything in control while silently thinking how disgusting it is that your nose is dripping and you are powerless to stop the hideous scene. All you can do is roll with it and try to act like it isn't happening. Yeah. We've all been there.

And apparently women are known for crying. We are identified as criers. Some people even say we can't even control it. Our hormones are to blame. Damn those hormones!

The thing is, I don't cry all that much. Not at cute commercials, or sad movies. I don't spend a lot of time snivelling over burnt toast, my job (or ex-job), or weight gain. My period rarely has me in tears. That said, I know a lot of ladies who do participate in sob-fests fairly often and, to tell you the truth, I admire them. I admire anyone who can own their feelings like that and shove them out there for all to witness.

The whole thing makes me feel far too vulnerable. I mean, it does happen. But since I dislike it so much, when I finally cave into the melancholy monster it is business. And it is messy.

With all this said, I almost cried on the way home from my friends' house last night. It's been hanging out for awhile. I felt it coming, the shudder in my chest, the tension pull behind my eyes, the pain down my throat. But I managed to suppress it. Detour around it for a couple more...hours? Days? Weeks? Who knows?

I mean, it's there, lurking about, waiting patiently for me to let it out. And it's going to happen. I mean, it's all part of human nature and not being an emotionless psychopath. But rest assured, it isn't going to be a 'good cry'. I won't walk away from it feeling rejuvenated and sighing like I've just had a demon exorcised out of me. No, I'll be annoyed and exhausted. I'll want to sleep.

There is, of course, an exception. And that's laughing until you cry. That's just awesome.