Wise Advice From A Dear Friend

For those who don't know, Leppy is my commute partner and good friend. We probably spend more time with each other than we do with our best friends, significant others and family combined. In a time in Leppy's life where she thought she was alone, I came along, sat down and said, "I'm on the same page as you."
We say the most disturbing things and if another person heard the conversations we have in the car during our travels we would have been committed a long time ago. For serious. Don't get me wrong, we're fucking hilarious, but also, bat-shit crazy. We spend most of our time laughing our asses off at things that aren't really funny to anyone else.
Yesterday, I informed Leppy that on my travels to Ireland I am meeting up with some Authonomy folk. Sure there is that hidden fear they're going to eat my flesh and make a Tyson-Suit out of me. (Just Kidding-I taste bad and it would be a very unfashionable skin suit.) Leppy's response to my meeting up with some internet buddies abroad was, "Don't get trafficked."
Yep.
DON'T GET TRAFFICKED.

Not watch your drink. Don't leave your belongings alone. Beware of tramps and thieves.

Nope. Don't get trafficked.

Then she says, 'What if they kidnap you, shove you in their car, take you to a hidden place, force you to eat meat and you get the shits."

First and foremost, if someone takes the time to traffic me and all they do is feed me meat, it's looking like a good trafficking.

Secondly, I pity the fool who tries to kidnap me. I mean, have you seen me? Why would they even bother? They could kidnap some cute, young thing and leave me to eat my apples and whole grains on my own.

Third, What The Fuck? Granted, I don't know a ton about Ireland or the frequency of trafficking, but I do know I'm not high on their list of candidates.

This is about the best advice I have ever been given. Not only is it beyond ridiculous, but it has a certain paranoid "this would only happen int he movies" quality to it.

Someone saw Taken one too many times.

So, I am heading off to Ireland soon and I am under strict orders not to get trafficked. Beware to all those traffickers, I'm watching out for you.