Have you met my friend Denis?

I love Denis Leary!
If you don't you're just a joker who doesn't know their ass from a hole in the ground.
Can't embedd this shit so you have to go to the site...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=adjqyTD6GM0

I am an asshole.

It's Raining, It's Pouring

And why the fuck aren't I snoring?

I hate four-thirty in the morning, getting up at that time that is...although it's been a long time since I have stayed up till four-thirty. There was this random stint back in in December of 08 when I first got Xbox live that I would stay up till two or three in the morning playing it. Those were the good old days....but of course only on weekends because this bitch has gotta work.

The day of me staying up late are long gone. What does that say? It means I'm getting old. It's almost as though I count down the hours until when I am able to sleep. I look at the clock, and think, "I will be sleeping in less than *insert number here* hours." Baring any unforseen instances.

I am glad to see it is raining. I missed the rain. It's reassuring. I find it comforting. Right now it's hitting the window pane and taunting me that I have to go out in it....

This old lady needs to get published so she doesn't have to work.

Don't Mess With PorkChop!

I have only been in two accidents in my whole life. Both of them with Leppy and both of them in Porkchop. This morning we were rear ended something fierce, (not in the sick way), and this is what happened.
My first instinct was to ensure the Leps was okay, i turned to her and asked, "Are you okay?" about three times before she answered. Then I looked in the rear view and saw the front end of the smashed up vehicle that was behind us.... upon seeing the damage I promptly called 911.
Then we exited the car. Not yet six in the morning the gentleman who was in the now demolished Sunfire was swearing, shaking his head and beating up his car. Oh you heard me right, he was kicking and hitting his car. What an odd reaction! He did not ask us if we were okay (two such fine ass ladies as ourselves, i am shocked), nor did he venture forth to see the damage he did. What he did do? Well he had a smoke, a nice delicious cancer stick, whilst cursing under his breath. Not only that but he was wearing a delightful hoody that had FLAMES on the sleeves.

If you know me, you know that I have this way of coping with messed up situations. I make jokes. Usually inappropriate jokes that are completely ridiculous. Like when the firemen showed up I said, "Finally what we were waiting for". When the girl fire woman was standing off the side I said, "Guess which one does not belong", when the cars were driving by staring at us I said, "Get down on the ground and I'll sob over you.' Delightful comments that were only appreciated by Leppy.

But the best parts were: the driver of the other car didn't have his driver license with him, the tow truck driver said he was hiding from us because we cause accidents, and after we talked to the cutest policeman in the world J A Jenkins (what does the J A stand for? Just adorable?) Christene says to him, "Thanks for coming out and seeing us."
Yes she did.
Then we went to the doctors, got some pills, made a claim, had some hash browns and booked us some physio. Porkchop is a beast though, there was damage but she refused to be beaten...and she took a piece of the other cars headlight as a souvenir.
What a day, and it's only eleven.


The headlight piece still in PorkChop.

Depressing Songs Make The World Go Round

I love sad music. It makes me happy.
The more depressing the better.
Now the for the shit show...I typed in saddest songs into Google, and it spat out a Rascal Flatts song. How can a song be sad when a bunch of douchebags are singing it?
I wanted to claw my eardrums out then eat them. I hate these little preppy looking pricks.
The saddest music comes from some great artists...for example.
Tom Waits, Nick Cave, Mark Lanegan, Leonard Cohen and Elliot Smith. What do these men have in common?
They are fantastic lyricists. They can paint a picture and make you wish you were dead.
One of the saddest songs ever written? That would be Merle Haggard and Waylon Jennings Poncho And Lefty.
Runners up?
Straight Time-Bruce Springsteen
Love Letter - Nick Cave
Hold On- Tom Waits
A Fond Farewell - Elliot Smith
I love the smell of misery in the morning.

Varsity Dessert

I was watching Varsity Blues the other day, because it was three dollars and I wanted to take a trip down Nostalgia Lane. And it is funny. And moderately entertaining.
Fuck Off I don't have to explain myself to you.
Anyways there is that part where a young Ali Larter puts on a whipped cream bikini and comes wandering out into the living room to surprise The Dawson.
I have a problem with this. First and foremost, this movie took place in a hot place...let's say Texas, they had accents so it had to be around there. That means the whipped cream wouldn't have faired well.
Second it would have been a sticky mess and would have dripped all over the place, whipped cream is not thick enough to do this with. Cool Whip would have worked better.
Third, what kind of bitch has the confidence to do this? Not me, that's for sure. I would've felt like a foooooool.
Last she put cherries on the nipples....yeah right those would have stayed put. NO WAY.
I call a bluff on this scene.