She's A Lady

Contrary to what this blog's title suggests, I am not a lady. Tom Jones wrote a sweet little ditty called "She's A Lady". I know for a fact it wasn't written about me. While listening to the song, I started thinking..."Is this what guys want?"

It starts out fine and dandy, she's all you'd ever want, she's the kind you like to flaunt, and take to dinner. Sounds nice, right?

No one ever wants to take me to dinner. I'm a vegan. And that only reiterates one thing to potential man-meat that might be interested...complicated. People tend to take my eating preferences to heart. I don't understand it at all. I am perfectly content on eating a salad and drinking water the whole night. Also, I don't drink alchohol which, they often think, depleats their chances of getting me drunk and getting laid. Little do they know, I'm a tramp. *insert roll of eyes here*

On with the song. The next line baffles me. She always knows her place.

Excuse me?

What does this mean? It reminds me of the time my ex made me a mix tape of 'romantic songs' and put "Under My Thumb" by the Rolling Stones on it. Not romantic at all. A woman's place is where ever the hell she wants to be. It just so happens that I never know my place. I have the feeling that Tom and me wouldn't jive.

She's got style, she's got grace, she's a winner.

Let me just pause here and let you take those lyrics in. First off, my style consists of jeans and t-shirts. I am a creature of comfort. None of those ridiculous high heels and skirts for me. I got thighs, I like to keep them from shaking hands all day.

And the only grace I have is my good graces, which virtually none of you are in. ;)

She's a winner????

I think Tom needed something to rhyme with dinner and didn't think 'sinner' would jive well with the theme of the song.

The more I think about the song, the more I realize that Tom Jones doesn't want a lady. He wants a dog. Never in the way, okay to be left on her own, never asks for every much dog.

When all is said and done, and it will be done when I say it is done, I am glad I'm not a lady. I don't want to pretend I don't fart. I don't want to excuse myself every time I burp. I like cussing like a sailor and trying to pull down people's pants. I much prefer not to sit cross legged and to be blunt, I don't have the time and energy to put make up on or straighten my hair. I rarely have anythig nice to say and, to be honest, I am always in the way. These are qualities that anyone who wants to team up with me has to understand.

I don't like Tom Jones anymore. He's like the first douche-bag to ever walk the earth. Look at him prancign around in his shiny shirt, thinking he's god's gift to women. Even the way he tosses his jacket into the crowd in this video makes me want to rip his face off and wear it like a mask.