Friday, July 31, 2009


Some days are better than others.
In general at least one funny thing happens a day.
For example, yesterday Leppy and I amused ourselves with talking about the beginning of No More Games and how Donnie doesn't know what the hell he is talking about.
And today?
Well today I was in the service centre at work and noticed that someone had printed off the lyrics to Alanis Morisette's song You Outta Know. So I promptly took these lyrics to the only person I knew would think this was as funny as I. Christene Brown.
We then proceeded to sing the song. Such assholes.
Then our conversation further developed into what it would be like if Axl Rose sang this song, then a co-worker caught me doing my impression of this whilst in the Cafeteria.
All in all a fairly good day so far.
Also Christene was drining a soft drink this morning at 5.30AM.
Impressed? I am!

Friday, July 24, 2009

Welcome To High School

Not only is it grunge day but there was a random fire drill. Throws me back to 1999.
The best part is standing out on the lawn with my co-workers making fun of the people around me and silently hoping that they tell us we can go home.
I know I'm in the working world, an active part of societ, but I still hope, wish and pray that I get sent home early.
Like when it snows, I hope my work is closed, but it never is.
I am currently wondering if our fire alarms here are filled with that ink that gets all over your hand. Surely not, we are adults after all. Still I am contemplating pulling it, i could just say my pen exploded in my hand.
I will wipe it on my jeans and be that much more grunge.
Side note: remember when it was cool to write on your clothes?
I do.

Friday, July 17, 2009

Once Upon A Time

I used to sleep in late but then I became an adult and got a job. For those who don't know I get up at four thirty in the morning to drag my sorry ass to work and for what? A stinking paycheck and a role in society. No thanks. I would rather pay for things with promises and handshakes anyways. Who needs roof over their head?
Today is Friday and I am beaten down like a ten dollar hooker. Or I am beaten down like Jon & Kate's marriage. Or I'm beaten down like Britany Spears reputation. Or I am beaten down like Lindsey Lohan's acting career. (that actually made me laugh out loud, I'm a riot.)
Unlike other normal twenty-something year olds I am sitting at home, eating cookies and writing fiction. Why you ask? Because through the characters in my books I live my life and because I'm too stinkin' fat and lazy to peel myself off the couch.
Every morning I wake up to Kid Cudi's Day and Night playing on my phone and my first thought, without fail, is 'I'm going to have a nap when I get home.'
Do I ever nap? No. Why? Because I have no follow through.
That said when we went to the mall at lunch today there was this kid who was running around on the second floor. He couldn't have been no more than four years old. He got on the elevator, got off, then started to come down the escalator. Well I grabbed his grubby little hand and I asked "Where is your mother?"
After a few minutes he points out this lady who is power walking through the mall like she has a rocket up her ass. She doesn't appear to be looking for any kid. She looks like she has every intention of leaving the mall. The little boy runs up to her and low and behold it IS his mom. Then she starts walking and I say, "excuse me" like a hundred times and she won't answer me. Then I yell, "Your kid was on the elevator, upstairs!" And she turns around and says, "Oh."
And then I shake my head at her, give her that sneer that says 'you are unfit to be a mother' and we walk off. She yells a half hearted 'thanks' at us but the damage was done. I should have stole her kid to prove a point. If I were her and my kid went missing I would be FREAKING out, she looked like she was heading over to Purdy's for some chocolate delights. Seriously. Some people should not have kids.

Thursday, July 16, 2009

Like A Fine Wine

Like a fine wine Johnny Depp continues to get better with age. Not that he wasn't delectable when he was a young buck, like in Cry Baby and 21 Jumpstreet, it's just now he is more rugged, less pretty, more manly. Unlike many of the other Hollywood heartthrobs, Mother Nature is doing him well.
Let's not talk about it, let's just look:

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Joe Rogan Has My Vote

Here's the thing about Joe Rogan. Even though he hosted Fear Factor for like six years you still have to love him. He is an announcer with the UFC, is a brown belt in Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, and his stand up comedy is the shit. No seriously. It is.

Most people know that there are a few people in this world that I could throw axes at and simply not care if they died. Paris Hilton, Anne Coulter, Holocaust deniers, and above everyone else, Dr. Phil. He says stupid things, looks stupid and is not someone I think people should be taking advice from.

So when Joe Rogan did a bit about Dr. Phil I wet my pants from the hilarity of it all. See the world isn't such a bad place because things like this exist in it.